I've spent a lot of my life waiting. My childhood was spent waiting for summer break, for Christmas morning, for high school graduation.
As I got older, the waiting became less about events and more about people. I've spent so much time waiting for the wrong people. People I should've run away from instead of clinging onto. But the disappointment they left behind never persuaded me not to wait for you.
That doesn't mean others haven't tried to persuade me. So often I've heard that I'm not obligated to wait for someone that isn't ready for what I want.
And yes, they are partially right. I'm not obligated to wait for you; it's a choice. It's a choice that I make every day because I know what it is I'm waiting for.
I'm done waiting for fun adventures, your attention, or to know if you to care about me like I've waited for in the past. I already have that with you. The waiting this time is different. I'm not waiting around in hopes that you will pick me. You already have.
You picked me when you first struck up a conversation by asking what Pokemon Go team I was on. You picked me when you set up a blanket fort on your futon because I was too drunk to drive home, and making sure I had plenty of water to avoid the next day's hangover.
You picked me when you stood in the parking lot of our favorite place, holding me for at least 30 minutes after I told you I had a job offer that would require leaving you. And you picked me again when you said I should go for it, putting my dreams ahead of anything you may have wanted or anticipated.
You picked me when you came to my work to comfort me because I was certain that you were mad at me. And you continue to pick me every time I have a panic attack or when my anxiety creates some fight in my head.
You pick me by being there, by making the choice every day to not give up on me.
This isn't just a fleeting thing. The feelings that I have for you aren't shallow thoughts that will disappear when the next pretty boy walks by. I know this because those feelings come from not only my heart but my soul.
You are my best friend. You know every worst trait that I possess and yet you haven't given up on me. I, too, know things about you that frustrate and even sometimes annoy me, but I still love those parts of you, too. I love everything that makes you...you, both good and bad.
In the time I've known you, you've helped calm my fears. I'm no longer afraid to lose you, not because I don't need you, but because I know you're not going to leave. I know that you and I is an endless thing because we will continue to make those choices every day.
The waiting is easy this time. Because it's not you I'm waiting for, I'm simply waiting to build a future on what we already have.
