When I play I know I do so with low confidence. Every time I pick up a ball I get reminded of when this all started. But, some of you think that when I get upset at myself I have bad sportsmanship. No. I get upset because I do not want to disappoint you all. I wanted to be on this team because I wanted to be a part of a family. Not just to give me something to do. But, I want you to know why I get upset when I mess up:
I had played basketball from when I was five until I was thirteen. I gave that sport my all. My everything. I was trying out for seventh grade basketball when I did not make the cut. That was my family and frankly the only friends I had in the school. After this, it all went downhill. The next day a girl on the team, who I thought was my friend, began telling our whole class of 2021 that I did not make the cut. Along with this she made fun of me because I wasn't good enough. This tore me up. I did not know who to talk to or trust, so, I just simply didn't.
My eighth grade year I decided I wanted to try something different. I went to most volleyball open gyms and joined a separate league to try and improve my skills. I know that I wasn't as good as the other girls, but I wanted to keep trying. Tryout day came and I didn't make the team. My confidence level dropped a little more. Again, no friends, no team, no family.
My freshman year I played softball. I actually made the team this time. My confidence went up a notch because I felt like I could do something. When game time came, I hit the ball and ran. But, I am not a fast runner. I will give it my all but there is always something wrong with me. When I got back to the dugout I got scolded for not running faster by my coach and fellow teammates. I tried to explain that I was running my fastest, but my fasted was not good enough. I broke down in front of my teammates because I knew I wasn't good enough. My confidence went lower than it had before.
Now, it's my junior year. I finally found something I am passionate about. It may not be basketball, volleyball, or even softball. I'm starting varsity on the girls bowling team. All the time I get, "Bowling isn't even a sport" but to me, it is. It gave me people I can rely on when I struggle and calm me down when I get frustrated. But, some people on the team are not that nice. I constantly get criticized by one person if I get flustered. But, little does she know that there is a reason. Again, my confidence level dropped lower than it ever had. But, it's okay because I'm strong and I'll recover when I come back next season better than ever.
There is something I want everyone who read this to take away; be nice to everyone. You never know what they have gone through so try to pick them back up. Bringing someone down is only going to make it worse for them and yourselves. Just remember that all the small things can add up.