I miss you.

I miss you more than words can explain. I miss your laugh. I miss your amazing cooking. I miss your hugs. I miss going to your house. I miss seeing you at mine. I miss your voice. I even miss the way you smell.

I really freaking miss you.

There are a million things I would do just to see you one last time. Just to feel your arms around me. To tell you how much I love you.

I thought I knew how bad things could hurt, but I didn't really know pain until you left this world. I didn't know what it was like to miss someone so much that your entire being hurts. I never knew just how much I needed you in my life, until you weren't there anymore.

It's been one year now, and so much has changed. There's been bad things. There's been good things. I just wish that you were here to go through it with us.

It's been one year now, and it still doesn't feel real. Sometimes I get the urge to talk to you and I grab my phone to call you. But then I remember that you can't answer.

It's been one year now, and I still can't picture a world without you in it.

Since you left, not a day has gone by where I didn't think of you. Sometimes you come to me in the morning when I'm walking to class. Sometimes you cross my mind as I lay in bed at night. Sometimes thinking of you makes me laugh. Sometimes thinking of you makes me cry. But thinking of you always makes me feel loved, and I guess that's the most important thing.

You were there through it all. The dance recitals. The boys. The graduations. The family dinners. The Christmas mornings. Whenever something was happening, be it big or small, I knew I could count on you being there. And that was the greatest gift you ever could have given me.

I am often times clouded with regrets. I should have called you more. I should have spent more time with you. I should have made it known how much I really did appreciate everything you did. I should have told you how much you meant to me, and how much you impacted the person I grew to be. I'm sorry I never took the time to relay this to you, but I'm sure that you knew. You definitely knew.

I saw a post on Facebook the other day. It was a question asking "If you could spend five minutes with anyone, who would it be?". People were commenting saying their best friend, or their celebrity crush. But I want you to know that if I could spend five minutes with anyone, that it would be you.

Five more minutes to hold your hand.

Five more minutes to cry onto your shoulder.

Five more minutes to tell you that I love you.

Just five more minutes.

They say it's supposed to get easier with time. But it doesn't. It becomes more bearable, yes. But I don't think it will ever get easier.

You were one of a kind and can never be replaced, and I'm so thankful that I was blessed with you. I'm so thankful that I was able to call you mine.

I want to thank you for fighting. You showed me what true strength is, and you are the strongest person I've ever known. Because of you, I have the courage to push myself past my limits. I want to make you proud. I promise, I will make you proud.

We all miss you so much down here. And life will really never be the same. There's a giant hole in all of us that will never be filled. And while I wish more than anything that you didn't have to leave, I'm glad you did. God was calling you home. You were ready to go, even if we weren't ready to let you. And that's okay.

It's been one year without you. And there will be many, many more. While you are gone from this world physically, you will always be here with me in my heart. And that's the most comforting thing. Even though you can't respond when I talk to you, I always know you're listening.

When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure.

I love you more than words. I miss you more than life. I cannot wait until the day we get to meet again. And when that happens, I'm never letting go.