Dear Grandma,

It seems like it was just yesterday you were indulging my far fetched childhood ideas or making me donuts on Saturday mornings (they were my favorite, just don’t tell Mom). I can’t believe it has been five years already. There isn’t a week that goes by when I don’t think of you, and sometimes I would give just about anything to have you back here with me. I wish more than anything you were able to be there for my high school and college graduations, eventually when I get married or have children.

Even as I write this, I still feel incredibly selfish that I want you to be here. God had something planned for you that was so much more special that staying on this Earth. Some people say the best people gain their angel wings once they get to Heaven, but I don’t agree with them. I think they become so much more than just angels. They become guardian angels for the people they love and who love them. I can’t tell you how many times something has reminded me of you, and I just know you’re looking out for me. And for that, I will be eternally grateful.

My life has changed so much since you were here. I have graduated from college and found my first “big girl” job. I have grown up from being that shy and timid young girl to the strong-willed and confident woman you knew I could be. The older I get, the more I realize that you aren’t as far away as I think you are. Everyday, I realize there’s more of you inside of me than I previously realized. Heck, people up at college called me “Grandma,” but I couldn’t think of a higher compliment.

You showed me what love was, because even when I was biggest pain, it didn’t change how you saw me or treated me. You taught me the value of commitment and relationships: wife of 50+ years, mother of three, grandmother of four, great-grandmother of six. Your strength and determination will always inspire me. You fought until the very end, and even when they said you had only 10 days to live, you proved them wrong. I can only hope that I would be as strong and courageous as you.

The pain and sadness of losing you will never go away. There will be some days when I’m going through my daily routine as usual, and out of nowhere, a wave of emotion will wash over me and instantly take me back five years. As hard as it is to not have you around, I know you wouldn’t want me to wallow in sadness. I try to live every day as you would want me to, in the moment and full of life.

You will always be my “Uma,” and no one will ever be able to take that away from me.

Love always,

Lindsay