Even at the young age of 21, I've known who would be standing by my side on the biggest day of my life ever since I met each and every one of you. While the groomsmen party may yet grow in size, the four of you will always be indefinite lock-ins. With that said, congratulations - the four of you men have been chosen and delegated the task of ensuring that the big day is an enjoyable and memorable experience for not just myself, but for all in attendance.
Now then, let's get down to business.
As you can imagine, I've had a great deal of time envisioning how to ensure that the big day is an enjoyable experience for everyone. Each of you will have some individual tasks catered to how I have come to know you over the years, and there will also be some tasks that you will all be responsible for as one cohesive force.
The first task at hand that you will all be responsible for is security. This includes making sure myself, my bride, the wedding party, and all friends and guests in attendance are kept from harm and any imminent threats. Even though I have not met my future wife's family yet, we all know the possibility of crazy in-laws. I don't expect to have any personal problems in this area, but I will not rule out the possibility of my wife's father acting on a grudge he has held against me over the years since I've known his daughter. If I'm going to be honest though, it is my own father that I am most worried about. Each of you have either met my father or have heard me speak about him. Don't get me wrong, deep down he is good man. However, my father suffers from PTSD and gets stressed out and anxious very easily. When this happens, my father tends to lose his filter and he becomes extremely rude to any and everyone he interacts with. I will do my best to ensure my father is sat at the table with the people who know and understand him the best, but in the event that things get out of hand, I ask that each of you be prepared to politely remove my father from the area so that he can cool down and get his act together. I will make the last call, but if my father seems like a lost cause, do not let him come back in. It is not worth it. As for any other crazy/intoxicated guests, I give each of you permission to full-body tackle them down to the floor and to remove them from the venue. If my wife or her family asks any questions, do not respond; anything said can and will be used against you in the court of in-laws.
Alright Sam, this one's for you. We all know that there's going to be sweet tea on the big day, and there're not many things in life that cause me to lose my cool, but unsweet tea will. I am entrusting you to be in charge of making sure the sweet tea is actually sweet, and not like the garbage we had back when we worked at Rockmont. I'll let you pick the specific brand of tea, but I want bags on bags on bags of sugar on standby. Not a single glass of watered down sweet tea is allowed to be put down on any table under no circumstances. I hope you realize how important of a task this is. I am also putting you in charge of making sure the various venues of the day stay clean and kept. I have seen your mastery of the broom, mop, and dust pan first-hand. There won't be any tacos at this man's wedding, so do not fret. Additionally, you will also be serving as a volunteer valet driver/escort for the older guests and women with young children. I have seen you behind the wheel of various vehicles over the years and I also know that you have seen all the Fast and Furious movies, so I trust that you will perform this role quite well, brother.
Antonio, listen up. You will be in charge of making sure that there is always a secret room set up with a copy of FIFA ready to play. I am to be informed of the whereabouts of this room at all times. I will no doubt be extremely anxious on the big day, and you and I both know that there's nothing like a quick game of FIFA to calm the nerves. If I need to dip from the festivities for any reason, you are in charge of personally escorting me to this room and playing a game with me using the Classic 11 against the bastard shrimps on amateur. Do not let me leave until I've scored a longshot from at least 30 yards out. You are also in charge of monitoring my potential alcohol intake should the need arise. It's a Sullivan wedding, after all, bruh.
Logan, my good sir. You will be in charge of making sure that quality food is served to the tables and in a timely manner. Do not let the men be served first. I ask that you make sure that children and women are given priority. I also ask that you make sure that my wife's family and friends are all served before the Sullivan party. If anyone spills a drink or drops food on the floor, do not let them clean it up. It is your job to make sure that all guests and friends feel special and important. If a young child asks for something that we do not have, I will slip you a $20 and you will immediately go to the local supermarket and get whatever it is that they want.
Brian, my friend. I am going to put you in charge of looking after my mother throughout the festivities of the big day. You know her better than anyone and are practically like a 2nd son to her. You know the Sullivan family history best, and I simply want you to make sure that my mother enjoys herself and that she has a good time. It will be as big a day for her as it will be for me, and I ask that you help her be strong and reassure her that you and others are there for her. You are also going to be responsible for making sure I don't look like a fool on the dance floor, as your mastery in the art of smooth has not gone unnoticed.
Even though I imagine the big day is still years away, I could not ask for a better group of brothers to have by my side as the journey to Mrs. Right continues.
Onwards gentlemen!
