It was around this time last year that we officially walked out of each other’s lives and I was left terrified that I would spend the next five years decaying in remorse of the decision.

Now I can confidently ask myself: do I regret leaving you or the city? Not at all.

I found more of myself being away from everything than I ever would have if I had stayed. We grew together, which is something I didn’t realize until you were gone. My other half was gone, and it took a while to find it again.

When we were together I could barely breathe. Every second with you was the most intense roller-coaster of emotions I have ever been through; it seemed like seconds but also like an eternity that we were together. I never thought I could let myself be loved that much but even more important, I never knew I could hold so much love in my own heart for someone else. I hated that I loved you because you opened my mind to possibilities in the world that I was too afraid to think of: a world of romantic gestures and thoughtfulness that was possible, but a world I wasn’t ready for.

Today was the first time that I’ve thought about you in a while; and honestly, that used to be a blessing. Under the beams of red and white light my friends and I sang our hearts out while our skin was drenched in color. Everywhere I turned the songs had me thinking about you (and note I couldn’t be more of a fucking cheese-head).

I was slipping back under the rhythm of our song concentrating on the expressive vocals and heady beats; psychedelic consciousness throbbing through my skull. Your laughter filled the crowd and your shining eyes gleamed from the spotlight. Memories of our past flashed through my head at lightning speed.

With you, every moment of crippling laughter or even heated argument was an adventure. It took me a long time to finally move on from you and it used to be painful to admit that, but honestly with how much of a life we shared it actually makes sense. I no longer feel empty or lost, now just content. Content and happy that I was able to meet such a wonderful being as yourself, and grateful that you would spend those years beside me.

The way your lips curled into a smile, I knew I would spend the rest of my life trying to describe it. Our lives were not meant to run side by side and together anymore, but yet I know that for eternity you have left a mark on my soul.