Dear Dad,

For a while I was "daddy's little girl", and you made me believe that. For years I never had a care in the world, but slowly my childhood started to fade into distant memories. All of the good times we shared slowly become pushed away into a corner that I can't reach anymore. The once happy as can be child I was slowly became pushed away and a wall was built. At such a young age my wall was built, and the worst part is that I let you, my father, help set up each brick perfectly in hopes that it wouldn't fall. Each day the wall seemed to get thicker. I don't understand how someone can lie to there own blood like you did. It amazes me how you did it. You had many opportunities to come clean to me, but you never did. Instead, you let me fall time after time again. Never catching me. Instead, you just stood by on the sidelines saying a weak "I'm sorry" or " I'm such a bad father to you." I know you knew what you were doing was wrong. But you never made a change. Not even when you ripped away from my childhood home, my safe haven. All you did was stand behind me, as I had tears running down my face, saying some pointless line that I have heard too many times to count. The chances to tell me about the house getting sold would have saved me so much heartache, but you didn't care about me. Only about you. So that's why telling me two days before we had to leave was easier for you, since in the end, you didn't care how I was feeling. Yet I still let you in my life. I still made an effort to see you. You never made an effort to see me. Weeks would go by without my phone ringing and your name popping up on my screen. You never called me willingly. And damn it hurt. It still does. Knowing that the one man I wanted to love me and show he cared for me couldn't even pick up the phone to call me hurt. The amount of tears I have wasted on you is despicable. No daughter should cry that much about her father. But after a while, I couldn't handle it. Telling people I was fine when I wasn't became second nature to me. And walking into any room with a smile on my face seemed to fool people. Since what they didn't know is most nights I would end up crying alone in my room at ungodly hours and it was all because of you. I thought that it was my fault at first. That somehow I failed you as a daughter, but that isn't the case. In reality, you failed as my father. Now coming to present-day and knowing that I may never see you again hurts. Then having your text me out of the blue saying that you loved me, that hit me hard. After I was just accepting that you were not a person in my life anymore, and out of nowhere you texted me, I couldn't handle it. Of course, I still love you. No matter how much I want to hate you, I just can't get myself to feel that way. Even though you have caused me more pain than I thought someone my age could handle, I need to say thank you. You have taught me how to not be like you, and that I do deserve better in my life. I want someone who wants me in there life, and who cares about me, and who won't put me down to make themselves feel better. My eyes are now open and yes every now and then I still break down. Even though I have taken back control doesn't mean that I don't still think about my childhood and you, and when my finger goes to hit the call button, I stop and think about if you deserve me in your life. Right now the answer is no. You don't deserve me and I deserve a father who gives two shits about me. So while I still love you, that doesn't mean I need you. "Daddy's little girl" was lost years ago and as much I want to come back and be your daughter again, I don't know if that will ever happen. And it hurts, but in the end, this is just another stepping stone in my life in getting me to where I want to be.

Sincerely,

Your Daughter.