Dear Dad,

I have a lot to say to you, and honestly, I don't even know where to start. I heard that fathers are the only man in your life that are not supposed to break your heart but breaking my heart seems like the only thing you know how to do. I want to know that I don't hate you and maybe this letter will seem like it but it's the opposite, I'm writing this because I'm crying out for you to change for me or even for yourself.

This letter is long overdue but it has taken me twenty years to finally be able to sit down and write this because I'm finally finding my voice and by doing this I'm slowly healing. In reality, I know you probably won't ever read this because I will never bring myself to tell you this exists. But by any chance you find yourself here, dad you're losing the only person that has never given up on you. Even though you have let me down countless times I can't bring myself to hate you because you're my father and all I ever wanted from you was your affection. So maybe it is my fault that I get hurt because I simply care too much.

I come to the realization that you won't understand any of this because let's face it, you have no recollection of anything you've done to us over the years because your mind was trapped at the bottom of a bottle. I don't remember a holiday or event that didn't ruin due to your tantrums when things didn't the way you wanted, but what I do remember is countless times of me hiding in my room when you and my mom had arguments. I remember the nightmares you've caused and all the nights I thought I wasn't a good enough daughter all the nights I sat in my room and wondered why you didn't want me. Did you know I never wanted the school day to end because I didn't know what mood you were going to be in that night?

The day you and my mom got divorced I thought to myself this is it this will make him change, but of course, it didn't. Instead, you moved in with some lady you met at the bar and began to forget about me.I don't know if you know this but I've always loved my birthday it's a day about me that everyone just spends some time with me; So for the man, I've been desperate to love me doesn't show up let alone call just because he was with his girlfriend and her family, makes a scar that sticks with you.

You refuse to let go of the bottle because your addiction is, and probably always will be more important than your own daughter. You did teach me something, you taught me that I would never want to marry someone like you and never will I ever chase after any man. I will tell you this much though, my mom has been more of a father to me than you ever were so maybe I did grow up with a father, you just weren't it.

sincerely,

The daughter you left behind.