Time is such a funny thing, don't you think?
Some days, it feels like time flies by in the blink of an eye; while others creep by seeming to never end. Growing up, I never noticed this happening in my life; until one day time became a very real concept for me.
On March 24, 2010, I learned that time could stand completely still. This day was completely normal until a car accident changed my entire world. My older brother's life was ended suddenly, and it was as if the world completely stopped spinning. The world could have ended and it would not have mattered because that evening, mine did.
In the following days, time seemed to not exist. My family and I did our best to walk through the necessary activities. The funeral was so full that there was no room to walk. The love that so many people felt for my brother and the heartbreak over his loss was palpable. The days moved too fast while the nights passed too slowly.
After these initial days of shock, the months and years began to pass. After a while, time began to pass much faster than I wanted it to; the months and years blurring together.
When you go through the loss of someone so close to you, you find yourself in the midst of mixed feelings. You want time to freeze so that you don't have to continue living without the person that you lost, but you also want time to go faster to allow you to see them again. It's a battle that you will fight for the rest of your life.
Today, March 24, 2017, marks seven years without you in our lives. I cannot even begin to describe what these past seven years have been like. There have been moments of pure anger and heartbreak, however, there have also been moments of unexpected happiness and joy.
In the past seven years, I have had time to reflect on the memories I have with you and the lessons that you taught me about life. I was so young when I lost you, but please do not doubt the effect that you had and still have on me.
From watching you, I learned so many important things. You taught me to love everyone, even when they hurt you. You showed me that kindness and compassion will always come back to you when you send them out. You allowed me to see that life should be filled with laughter and joy.
From watching you, I learned that when life gives you a rough hand, sometimes all it takes is a smile and a good attitude to lessen the blows. I learned from you that it is never too late to make your way back to God.
The lesson I am most grateful for, though, is this. You taught me what unconditional love meant. In my almost 20 years on this earth, I have yet to meet someone with a heart quite like yours. Even when it was bruised and battered, it overflowed with love for everyone.
My amazing brother, you were truly one-of-a-kind. I have never been more thankful to know someone. Losing you was absolutely horrible. I would not wish that pain on anyone. However, I would go through it over and over again if it means that I get to love you.
I know that you are looking down on me from Heaven. I feel you near me every day. Please don't feel bad when I shed tears for you, I am just lonely.
It is because of your love for me that I am able to go on with my life. I will live the rest of my life hoping to make you proud of the woman I am becoming. I only hope to be half the person that you were because if I become that, I know I'll make a difference in this world.
Thank you for your love for me. Thank you for the examples that you set. Thank you for helping me become who I am today. Thank you for giving me something so beautiful to miss.
"I'm glad I didn't know, The way it all would end the way it all would go, Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain, But I'd have had to miss the dance." ~ Garth Brooks
