Literally ever since I was born, I've been judged negatively. Believe it or not someone mentioned that I was ugly when I was a freaking baby! Yeah! I was harmless and cute (all babies are cute) yet someone had the audacity to say I wasn't 'cute'? That was just the start. Who knew this would keep going. My past was a blur and I only remember the highlights.

I have to admit I was always chubby. But who knew that kids at age 5 already knew how to categorize and make fun of others. Nice to see how well some parents raised their kids. I was overweight and that was a fact but it hurt to see how bad kids exaggerated and made fun of me whenever they saw me. I could never hang out or go outside because they would always mention something about my weight. It was devastating. Today, it pisses me off because I can never take compliments now. I always assume that I'm going to be insulted.

I was bullied.

I was hurt by the most immature kids in my neighborhood.

"Can you suck in your stomach?"

Not a single one liked me. Just because I was ten ponds overweight. No one ever accepted me. I felt gross and ugly. They made me feel like it. They said it.

I could run but I wouldn't because someone would laugh at me or make fun of it. I remember someone literally pulled me back by the shirt so I could run slower. It didn't make sense.

I have mental and emotional scars.

There was never a day where I would go outside and not here soemthing negative. I cried almost every week. A could shouldn't of been too sad in their childhood.

11. My dad would worse me to drink nasty protein shakes that made me gag. He didn't know how to be a parent which hurt me a lot thinking that my own father didn't like the way I looked.

At age 12 I got depressed. Age 12. Wow.

I slept the whole day. I stayed inside, layed on the couch. Not a sole knew what I was feeling inside. No one knew.

I passed by anyone at school, "she's fat."

Not a "she's a nice kid."

I was forced to listen and accept. I still look back and think how amazing it was for me to get back up and still be confident and outgoing.

Dizziness.

Fast heartbeat.

Hot flashes.

Difficulty breathing.

I shaved part of my head because I was ashamed of myself. Perfect, more bullying. I was lowkey Britney Spears.

I was lost at this age. My parents didn't even realize what was going on with me.

Age 13 I got diagnosed with anxiety.

I was scared to give speeches in high school. I was scared to talk to anyone. I always looked mad. Low grades in school. Teachers got mad.

I got made fun for dressing a certain way. For wearing headbands (note, something that anyone wears.)

I was a bad "dancer, singer, student."

My hair wasn't long enough freshmen year, people made fun of me. I was asked if I had cancer.

It made me fear life a lot more.

It's funny how bullying lead stupid decisions of mine and that lead to more bullying. Perfect.

It was hard to make friends because some people like to focus on your past and judge you for that.

Towards the end of high school

Things were okay.

When I stepped foot in college, I felt free. I felt like myself. I felt like I could breathe. I was me. Or at least I thought I was.

Now, in the past year, I have met new people, have gotten closer to certain people, have been a little outgoing again, and have gained some confidence.

Every time I walk out somewhere though, I feel like people are thinking, "oh my god she's so ugly," or "she's gross."

I can't even dance or sing because I think I'm horrible.

Never in my life have I had so many compliments. I ask myself why? Why are people being nice? This isn't true, I'm hideous and I don't deserve any of this.

I am emotionally scared and I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for me but this is my story. This is how I grew up and this is how I've been viewed.

I don't feel good enough, I don't feel too confident or beautiful.

I'm just not me anymore.

To anyone who's been asking or saying, "why is she so shy?"

"Why can't you just say thank you?"

"Meesh why are you so mean to yourself?"

"Stop it's not true."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't feel that way."

This is me now. I am trying to change. To anyone who reads this, know that even if there aren't external scars, there are internal ones and they will take time to heal or they won't at all. If anything negative has happened to you, just know that you're not alone. God knows why we are put in this path. I don't know and you don't know but one day we will find out. One day we will know why we were push and shoved both physically and mentally. Meanwhile this is part of why I am broken.