Everyone’s heard some version of the saying, "You have to love yourself before others can love you." And I think it’s bullshit.

Let’s be honest, no matter what version you’ve heard, it was said to make someone feel better.

I hear it from girls that have had boyfriends since elementary school and have always been the pretty ones. It makes them feel better that they can offer some kind of hollow support to the poor folks who are still “searching for love”.

They say it to remind the rest of us who are alone that “it’s okay” or “it’s all a matter of timing”, which are equally worse cliches to spout at someone.

I’ve spent 18 years alone, okay. I’ve never had a serious relationship. Yeah, I sure as hell have tried, but things have a tendency of turning out opposite of what I planned. So I clung to the idea that when I reached nirvana level of loving myself, my soulmate would appear to me.

But there comes a point where I can only accept my depression and anxiety so much. I can only love my “thick thighs” and soft tummy so much. I can only accept that my facial features don’t seem to be placed just right.

And at the same exact time, I love my legs and think that my face is adorable as hell. And I just accepted (I’m talking like weeks ago, people) that I don’t mind my squishy tummy. So, I’ve reached my peak of self-love.

I honestly and truly have.

Here I stand, nonetheless, far from nirvana and the appearance of my soulmate despite loving myself.

It’s frustrating.

I’m sick of being told that I have to do all the work before I can finally find love. There is a limit on how many days I can accept myself, and how many days I can go without feeling the pull from depression.

There is a limit on how many days I’ll last before giving in.

What I need, at this point, is someone to be at my side when I struggle with my appearance and understand me when certain days are darker than others.

Yes, the kissing and hand holding is nice, but the support that comes with a partner is what I need most.

I’ve already learned how to live without being touched, without holding hands, or without cuddling, and there’s not much of a problem there. But knowing that emotional support is backed by love and that this person wants to there is practically the only thing I have left to hope for.

I must come off as a character from an overzealous teen romance novel, but I have a room full of books and plenty of them encompass the idea anyway.

I don’t need my “soulmate” to walk away with a happily ever after; I need endless emotional support from someone who loves me.

That’s beyond my imagination right now.

So screw everyone who’s told me that I need to love myself before anyone can love me. I’ve tried that, I’ve worked on that for 18 years and I’ve reached nirvana levels of self-love. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not lonely.

This "love yourself" story? It's bullshit.