Not everyone uses the phrase "ring by spring," but any college age female knows the combination of joy and dread that accompanies engagement season. The flower buds are in bloom, and love is too. And sometimes it can feel like we're allergic to both. Someone bring the tissues, because between pollen and proposals our tear ducts can't catch a break. I don't know about you, but this time of year I can become one tense, cynical and bitter mess going about my business as a singleton. With every engagement announcement I scroll past, I can feel the seed of anger within me grow a teensy bit. I hate to admit it, but I share this because I'm sure I'm not the only one. We all get a little salty while everyone around us starts to pair up. Is there a flood coming? And if so, why has no one informed me?
Single ladies like myself cope with this season in very different ways. Some of us use humor, some use ice cream and some write articles. My question is, why have we settled with just coping? Why wallow in cynicism? That can't be a good use of time, and time is one of the most valuable resources we have regardless of our relationship status. So ladies, I propose (no pun intended) that we rise up, band together, put down our spoons and our tissues, and get through this together. How can we do more than survive the "ring by spring" craze? I'm no expert, but I think there are a few places we can start.
Firstly, remind yourself daily that you are valuable. I don't mean splurge on earrings or nail polish because "you deserve it." I mean find those things you love about yourself, and put them under a magnifying glass. As someone with a history of self-esteem issues, I can testify that this is harder than it sounds. It might feel forced at first. To me, it can feel selfish. But when you're given the chance, milk it! Take the time to appreciate yourself and let others appreciate you. Hang those certificates above your desk and polish all of your trophies. Wear that dress that makes you feel like a queen, just because you can. Got a good sense of humor? Take note of the laughs and smiles that you get out of your friends, intentional and unintentional. If you're an artist or a writer, sit down and create something you can show off and be proud of. There are so many valuable ways that you, as a valuable person, can spend your invaluable time. Choose carefully. Note the words "when given the chance." Unsolicited narcissism is frowned upon. But when you have reason to be proud of yourself, you should be! Let yourself have what you deserve.
Not only can we benefit by taking compliments and monopolizing on them, but at times we can benefit even more by being the distributor of encouragement. Some days, that's the last thing we want to do. So just like self-love is magnified by opportunity, so is our appreciation of others. Like someone's shirt? Tell them, even if you don't know them. One of your friends need to be reminded of how awesome they are? Let them know! As cliché as it sounds, giving joy gives us not only the warm fuzzies, but a spirit of optimism that makes it more difficult for us to snarl at others' fortune the way that we are apt to do after hearing about one too many engagements.
For some girls, it's easier to get through the "ring by spring" mania by joining in the fun! No, you shouldn't go out and mail-order a husband or snag the next guy that comes running by. But you should enjoy your time with your engaged friends. A lot of times you might feel like a professional third wheel, but if this isn't too tumultuous for you emotionally, it's totally worth your while, especially if you're one of those girls that just "loves love." So your friend(s) are engaged, have you taken the time to congratulate them? Have you talked about flowers and paint colors or offered to help in any way? Planning a wedding is exciting, but difficult and draining. In all honesty, it's just the plain truth that your engaged friend won't have as much quality time for you once they're married. So relish the time that you have, even if that involves helping choose fabric for tablecloths or licking some envelopes for save-the-dates.
If getting involved in that mushy-gushy event planning isn't your style, fear not. Another viable option is to unplug for a while, or at least minimize your social media intake. If fear of missing out--commonly referred to as FOMO--tends to be a problem for you, this can drastically change your outlook on life. I tend to roll my eyes when this is recommended, but truthfully the few times I have tried it really have helped me prioritize and put things in perspective. Instead of looking at what other people are doing that you're not, you can take that time and invest it in your passions and causes, or maybe even just whatever you need to get done during the day. This leads me to the last and most important step I can think of towards minimizing ring-by-spring bitterness.
Find what makes you come alive. That idea, that art form, that concept, that career that sets your heart on fire. When you're a part of it, you feel better than you ever have on any date. If you know what I’m talking about, I bet you just thought of something--maybe several things--that make you tick. If you haven't pinpointed your passions yet, now is the time to try things out! People say it all the time, but you really do have so much more freedom to experiment in life as a single person. You can take on that overseas internship, try out some odd jobs or new hobbies. Treat everything like an adventure. Sure, married life is an adventure too, but it also takes a lot of guts to go eat out by yourself. To write that award-winning paper. To send your work to that publisher. To go share your poetry. To volunteer, and not for class credit. Sometimes, it's even an adventure to try a different flavor in your coffee. Whatever you choose to do, do it with gusto. Find what makes you come alive, and live. Together, I promise we'll make it through this. Ring or no ring.
