Dating in college is very different than dating in the rest of your adult life. Not that I have much experience in either of those arenas, but I imagine it's very different. At least at Wheaton College, dating is treated as a very high-stakes thing. Relationships get very serious very fast, often even between people who don't have very much dating experience, if any at all. I've heard from friends at other schools that they have the opposite problem: relationships are casual to nonexistent. I have a few tips for making relationships in college less daunting in any case. These are probably important things to do in relationships no matter what stage of life you're in, but I think they're especially important in college.
1. Know what you're looking for going in
At Wheaton we talk a lot about “intentionality”. You need know what your intentions are if you want to pursue someone, and I don’t only mean that in the 90’s sitcom, “What exactly are your intentions with my daughter?” sense of the word. If you just want a physical relationship, if you want to start out casually and see you things go, if you want to be in an exclusive romantic relationship, if you’re looking for your future spouse, the other person needs to know and you need to know you’re on the same page. Going into a relationship with wildly different expectations is one way to make sure it’ll end badly.
2. Don't try to force a connection that isn't there or isn't there anymore
People grow and change a lot in college. I feel like I’m a very different person now than I was when I was eighteen, and I think the vast majority of people would tell you the same. As you change, your priorities and what you’re looking for in a significant other can change a lot too. If you brought a high school boyfriend or girlfriend to college, started dating someone quickly in your college career, or started dating someone and then went through a big transition as a person, sometimes that relationship doesn’t stand the test of time, and that’s okay. You’re figuring out who you are, and sometimes what worked a few years ago won’t keep working indefinitely. That’s a fact of dating, there are no guarantees. It’s okay to acknowledge that.
3. And most importantly, communicate
They say the three most important words in real estate are location, location, location. Well, the three most important words for good relationships are communicate, communicate, communicate. I guarantee a large portion, if not the majority, of relationship problems could be solved before they begin if people would just communicate properly. If you’re not getting what you want or need, if your SO seems distant, if something is bothering you, just. Say. So. You’re going to have to talk about it eventually anyway, do it before it becomes a huge problem. Happy dating!
