Everyone is looking for something different on Tinder. Part of what drew me to try the app was the fact that you didn't have to fill out a long profile detailing who you are and what you want, all you have to do is swipe. Recently having moved, I downloaded the app and started swiping. I got some matches and started chatting, and surprisingly had a few great conversations. One day I started speaking to a female co-worker about tinder, and her experience seemed very different than mine. I wondered what made the female experience different, and if the differences I had noticed were true with other females.
I decided to ask a few of my friends, along with using personal observations to formulate a conclusion. For the sake of confidentiality, names of the interviewed will be changed.
The first girl I spoke to, who we'll call Emily, described herself as old-fashioned. She claimed she would NEVER message a guy first, and was looking for conversation and connection rather than just sex. She let me scroll through her tinder matches, and I was absolutely amazed at how many she had. Hundreds of matches within a few mile radius. She claims that she matched with nearly every guy she swiped right on. As a guy, I had my share of matches but nothing quite this drastic. I asked her what set guys apart when she was swiping, and how guys she matched with were able to distinguish themselves among the crowd. First off, she said that pictures reveal what type of guy you are, whether you are exciting, boring, or just plain sketch. She said a dog in your picture almost guarantees a swipe right. She says that upon matching, way too many guys send her a physical compliment right off the bat. "Hey, you are pretty beautiful," "YOU ARE A HAWTIE WITH A BAWTIE" or something of the sort. She claims (and her thoughts are echoed by other females) that anyone opening with a physical line is bound to want physicality. She says the best type of opening line will more than often demonstrate cleverness and wit, and reference to a shared interest is a huge bonus. If your opening line is intellectual, then it's more than likely you will be too.
The second girl I spoke to, Candice, is nearly a polar opposite of Emily. She messages every guy she matches with first, and brags to an online dating body count of nearly 35 people. She still expects for the men to participate in the conversations of substance. The biggest red flag for her is when the first thing a guy mentions is sex, and the biggest turn off is someone constantly saying "You're beautiful." Because of her higher rate of meet-ups, I asked her about the specifics from the female perspective. She says although she likes some mystery, any guy she meets up with will undergo a full circle Google/Facebook stalking check. She stated that every guy she meets up with MUST drive further than she does, and must pay for some sort of meal, or finance any adventures, at least at first.
To get another perspective on Tinder, I asked about another guy's experience to see if it was similar to my own. Tim had a much different experience than the previous females did. He says he messages first 9 out of 10 times, and that, often times, girls that message him first are often looking for a quick hook-up which he's not really into. He claims that when he is bored he swipes based on the first picture, and that if he does look at the bio he is more so looking for red flags than green lights, unless their bio is really funny, in which case he says of course he will swipe right. He says the first messages that tend to have the most success are open-ended questions, followed closely by some sort of compliment.
The major difference between the two sexes' Tinder experience ultimately comes down to each gender's role within the swipe based app. Ultimately, not much has changed since the days of the ice age. Men sit back and try to light a fire, and pursue all attainable prey, it is the women who get to forage, and ultimately pick and choose exactly what they want. Perhaps defying these gender norms is exactly the spark you need to start setting yourself apart, and light the flame with your Tinder match.
