Grief hits and stops us right in our tracks. We limit ourselves to thinking only of the past, and those precious memories shared with lost loved ones from years gone by. In doing this, our hope is that time will pause briefly, and, in the standstill, we can attempt to process what has happened and how we feel before resuming our daily lives. But we cannot simply call a “timeout” in life because time stops for no one. The seconds just keep ticking by to the same steady beat they have had from the beginning of time until they turn into days, weeks, months, and years.
When we lose someone, it truly is the end of life as we knew it before. Things will never be the same, but we cannot allow ourselves to become trapped in a holding pattern of mourning. It is completely normal and perfectly acceptable to grieve in whatever forms and for however long as necessary, as long as it does not bring about harm to yourself or others. We have loved and lost, and we must mourn this missing piece.
But, as part of this mourning process, we need to be seeking peace and healing along the way. Time will not wait for us to pick up the shards of our broken hearts before moving on, and this can make grieving difficult when trying to balance additional responsibilities. We must make time for ourselves to work through the healing process, but remain mindful that the world continues to move forward.
At first it is frustrating that you cannot have a break before trying to continue with your everyday life. You want nothing more than to focus on the person that you have lost, but the rest of the world expects you to carry on with your daily schedule as if nothing ever happened. You can cry, but only when you have a break between classes or meetings, and during these classes or meetings you must appear composed to those around you. Gradually, however, we move from the bitter grief of our personal loss to a different kind of grief. This grief allows us to remember our loved ones warmly and with humor and tales of their lives. The transition from sadness over our loss to love and joy for what we were allowed to experience with a loved one is an amazing process.
Grief is natural and healthy, but our lives really do continue after we lose someone we love, and we must live this life and live it well. As Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” You must allow yourself to grieve the past, but you also must allow yourself to heal for the future so that you do not miss the little things that happen day by day. Time will just continue to march on to that same steady beat, and we must consciously decide that we are going to march with it. We will never forget those that we have lost, but we must live each day to the fullest, knowing that they are watching over us.
