I always thought that I would have time on my side forever. If something didn’t get done today, then there was always tomorrow. I would always be able to get those family pictures done next month. I could always make that phone call next week. If I forget to say I love you before hanging up there would always be a next time. Time would always wait for me and I could do things at my own pace or so I thought. One cold winter day circumstances would come along to prove me wrong.
Nancy Moss Noyes was an amazing woman. She was compassionate, loving, extremely religious, and kind. She was the kind of person who could and would always try to make your day better even if she wasn’t feeling well herself. She was the kind of woman everyone would want for a mother. I first met her three months after I started dating her stepson. I loved her from the first moment I met her. Nancy didn’t ask questions; she just opened the door and invited me in. She loved me just because of who I was and what I meant to her son. When he and I married a year later she was right there in church welcoming me into the family with a big smile on her face. I always assumed we would have many years to get to know one another completely. I didn’t realize then, that six short years later, time would become the enemy.
In the spring of 2013, my husband and I sat down in our living room with Nancy and my father in law, Phillip. She told us that she had been diagnosed with cancer and that surgery was not an option. She also explained to us that she was opting out of treatment because the doctors did not think it would do much more than prolong the inevitable. We were all devastated and had started crying. Nancy explained to us that she was going to fight, but if God wanted her home she would go when He called her. I couldn’t understand why this was happening. What happened to the forever I had planned? There had to be some kind of a mistake.
Over the years leading up to the announcement about Nancy’s illness my husband and I were so busy working, raising our kids, and being a family of four that we ignored our extended family beyond holiday obligations; my in-laws were an extreme example of this fact. In the five years, I had been with my husband we had probably spent the equivalent of a weeks worth of time with his dad and Nancy. We always justified this mistake by making excuses that they had their own lives to lead just like we did. There would always be plenty of time to spend with them. We kept telling ourselves that when things settled down we would visit them. Life never seemed to settle down for us, though we always had something else that had to be done first.
After that sit-down that spring we made more of an effort to visit and we had them over for dinner frequently. When I gave birth to my youngest daughter in May of 2013 it was Nancy who came and kept me company at the hospital while my husband, my sisters, and my parents went to work during the day. She comforted me while my daughter was in the NICU by sharing her experiences with her premature son and how well he was doing today. She never once discounted my feelings, but instead tried to relate to them. All the while, she was in pain herself; she just never let it show. I will always remember that and hold those few days close to my heart. Eight months doesn’t change five years, but I’m very grateful that we had that time to spend with her and get to know her better.
Nancy passed away in February of 2014 after an eight-month battle with cancer. There are some days where I want to pick up the phone and share a funny story with her, and then I remember that I can’t. She was the best shopping partner and I miss having her along when I was shopping for my kids. No one will ever take the place she had at our dinner table. She was an incredible person and I wish I had made more time in my life for her. Those five years I missed out on getting to know her will never come around again. I will always make sure to spend time with family today, because tomorrow it may be too late.
Since going through this experience I have learned that spending time with loved ones is the most important task we have in this life. Family and friends are what make life worth living and I will always take the time to be with them. It may not always be the ideal scenario, but sometimes the lessons we learn the hard way are the ones that stick with us forever. I only hope I treat everyone I love like forever is disappearing tomorrow. Time is no longer the enemy but is now a reminder of how much I have to lose.
