We will have friends who leave, while a few special ones will make that extra effort to stay. Long distance friendships include friends who share one of those special bonds that continue to exist regardless of the time, distance and the inevitable changes that take place along the way.
I have had the opportunity to make memories with a lot of wonderful people. I have considered many of them my best friends and I probably always will even if I’m not in touch with them. I met my three best friends back in kindergarten. The four of us together thrived as closet rebels in a small and extremely strict missionary school and all we needed was each other. When I had my first real heart break, they showed up at my place with chocolates, flowers and a huge poster-sized letter and then proceeded to tell me how much more awesome I am compared to my ex-boyfriend.
I had a lot of my ‘firsts’ with them by my side–I guess that’s why our bonds with middle and high school friends are so special. We made sure never to miss each other’s birthdays and we NEVER failed to show up at each other’s doorsteps if one of us had our heart broken. What we had seemed unbreakable at the time, but little did we know that our biggest challenge was still yet to come.
Fast-forward a few years, when it came time for us to go off to college, we found out that the colleges we decided to attend were in three different parts of the world. We didn’t let that threaten us, and like the young gullible teenagers that we were, we promised each other that nothing would change. And so we separated–one of us went off to Malaysia while the other stayed back home in Bangladesh, and I came to study in Texas.
Suddenly, we found that our worlds no longer collided as much as it used to and we were faced with many new and unfamiliar challenges in an unknown environment. The first year away from each other was hard but we managed to talk every other day and it seemed like not too much was going to really change. Regardless of the time difference between us, we were adamant about sneaking in Skype video calls in between classes and long phone conversations every other night were mandatory.
Unfortunately, we only got to see each other once a year because long-distance flight tickets are so expensive. It became harder and harder for us to digitally include each other in the every day stuff like we once used to. We became too busy to fill each other in on the semi-important happenings and eventually, we started to forget about the important ones.
Me and my girl gang.
I tried to keep up with their lives on social media but it didn’t help when half the people I saw with my best friends were now people that I did not even know. They understood that I was busy so they did everything in their power to stay in touch with me but I started forgetting to call them back and always had an excuse when I texted them. Sometimes it was class or meetings, but mostly it was simply that I was just out getting to know some new friends. It became normal to go weeks without talking because I was so absorbed in everything that was new around me. The gap between us kept growing and finally the day came when they were fed up of my excuses and cut me out of their life with little to no warning. I was deleted from every social media outlet and blocked on their phones. It was a dramatic move on their part, but how could I blame them?
That’s the moment when I realized that I had failed my best friends–that I had been horrible at nurturing our special relationship. I expected them to love me even though I never showed my appreciation for them. It's not that I loved them any less, but I also didn't make an effort to keep the promises I had made. I took them granted, and my lack of effort translated as me not caring anymore. The sad thing? I had no evidence to say otherwise.
To be honest, the promises we tried to keep were never realistic to begin with, and we had to learn how to adapt to the changes. College is nothing that we expected it to be and unpredictable things still happen every single day. Long distance relationships take time and effort and while it is not impossible, it is definitely very hard depending on the kind of people involved. The friends you decide to keep should understand that change is a natural phenomenon in our lives and the ones who can adapt to it are the ones who will hold on.
Being able to prioritize is the key to maintaining, not just relationships, but also everything else in your life. It took me almost two years and at least a hundred emails, letters and unanswered phone calls for me to get my best friends to give me another chance. I had to earn their love this time and I was happy to do so. It is important for us to figure out who and what we should prioritize before life gets in the way and makes things more complicated. It took me almost two years and thousands of emails, letters, and unanswered phone calls for me to get my best friends to give me another chance. I came to the realization that the secret to any healthy relationship, especially a long-distance one, is being able to prioritize. We can fit anything into our busy lives and schedules if we know what we want, especially if what we want is to simply show more love towards the people who deserve it.
