Young and dumb. Jaelyn Cornel. Same difference.
I've been blessed. And this blessing is one of the best things to happen to me in a long time. Yet with it, it brought so much knowledge about myself socially and mentally. It helped my blessing understand and explore my inner being a bit more, and honestly, though I want to be with her so bad, I understand that now, where we are, we may not be ready. Even if we are, we're young, and now's the time to enjoy ourselves. And it took some definite trials within myself to understand that. And though we're not together, we understand what we want, and we gravitate towards each other, naturally, and that alone keeps me sane. It signifies that though separated, we're still connected. And it's important that if I want to keep her, under my terms, I need to understand her.
"Although, just because we aren't together doesn't mean the love has changed...No, we aren't together but no, it's not over." -Samantha Hoffman "It's Over But It's Not Over"
In agreement with my long-time best friend, Sam, "you fall apart to fall back together". We still have a lot of learning and understand to do about each other. And I think a lot of couples become toxic due to rushing. We've all heard love is blind but experiencing it first hand gives it a whole different cadence. I didn't understand everything at first. I still don't. I maybe never will. Yet that's what building is about. Honestly I can also say, the turtle always wins the race too. It took me battling myself, some hardships, and some grief to realize that rushing into something that feels good at the time doesn't and won't work. It may take some for you too. She's always had that though. She's known since the beginning. So take your time, especially if you're young. Hey, you may be ready for a relationship right now, and I won't judge you for that either, but know your enemy (or in this case your friend) is half the battle. I never truly believed in becoming involved with a girl without at least knowing her middle name, birthday, mother's maiden name, social security, etc., and truly knowing her, let alone having future plans with her. That may have been the move in high school, but I could never understand why.
There's also a major dichotomy between maturity in yourself, and relationship maturity, and it's vital you separate the two. And this doesn't pertain to being "boyfriend/girlfriend" either, but any relationship. Knowing how to socialize, when to create space, when to push forward, and how to understand people. It took my mom to help me to finally understand that. I, and maybe some of you have this problem unto which if a problem is present, or seems present, you push and push pressure on to that person to tell you and that, while at times may show you care, is a more hinderance. In any relationship especially. That almost took me losing my blessing completely to understand. Yet the problem is I should've been understanding sooner, thus maturing in the relationship earlier. Learning how to flow with it instead of pushing too hard. In a way relationships are very similar to couples dancing. Learn when to let her free, learn when to pull her back, learn when to engage and disengage, but always be there for her.
Maybe I love too much, maybe its in my stars for me to be that way, or maybe its just nurture. Either way it's how I am and I won't change it for anybody, but what I will change is the negatives buried deep within my psyche, for the better, to keep and enjoy the ones I love. To cherish every moment I get, because this wave will all be over soon. Over anything though, cherish her. Cherish the blessings that have come into your life. with everything you have. And from me to you, I can't say whether I agree if it was for the better or for the worse that we took this break, but it warms me knowing the love is somewhat still there and that we're progressing as people individually, and what's in store for us in the future is unknown right now, but I'm ready to enjoy you as much as I can. Whether we end up together is a mystery, but I'll be there for the reaults. As for me, I'm there when she needs someone to vent to, though I'm not the only one, and will continue to be. I'll there as long as I can to kiss her forehead when things get tough and tears well. I'll be there to call you when you need help from a whole state/country/continent away, and I'll be there right by your side every step of the way, no matter where we are. I promise. It shouldn't take me almost losing her completely to fight for her back, and I'll make sure it doesn't reach there ever again.
"No, we aren't together but no, it's not over."
Just remember, nothing's forever.
