So you’ve met someone you like. Congratulations! You’ve made it past the ticket booth, through the theme park, and to the end of the line, and can now begin your romantic journey through the tunnel of love and come out the other side to your happily ever after. Right?

Love is no carnival anymore. Gone are the days where people asked their crush on a date and propose the week after (at least I think that’s how it used to work). The dating world young adults are trying to navigate now is riddled with noncommittal hangouts, casual hookups and anxieties along the lines of, “He texted me twice this week; that means he likes me right?" "She asked if I want to hang out, but it’s after 10 o’clock; what does she want?" "He said he likes Raisin Bran better than Lucky Charms, I don’t think I can marry him after all.”

Maybe that last part is just me, but I think many of us can agree that relationships as young adults aren’t nearly as black and white as they used to be. It’s no longer the case that we’re either with someone or we’re not- there’s so much grey in between that relationships are a trickier business than ever.

As the token single friend, I’ve had some time to identify three distinct shades of grey in dating, starting around college and continuing into early adulthood. These three phases are the compacted version of virtually every relationship I’ve seen my friends and family members develop roughly between the ages of 17 and 26, give or take.

Obviously, not all relationships follow this pattern; some do but have different overlaps and sequences of stages. Just like the individuals in them, every relationship is unique, but if you thought that your love life was the only one this complicated, don’t worry; you’re not alone.

1. "Talking"

You know, as in, “We’re not dating, we’re just talking.” The earliest stage of a new relationship, the talking phase begins almost immediately. It is the stage in which you get to know the other person casually by, well, talking. Maybe you’ve gone on a few dates though odds are you didn’t call them dates; you two were just “hanging out.”

You aren’t necessarily interested in one another at this point, but more often than not, a mutual interest has already been communicated in some way. If this interest has been communicated, you two may be hooking up during this phase, but this is not always the case.

The hallmark of this phase is that you’re not exclusive. The spark is there, but not enough fuel has been added to call it a fire just yet. You’re both allowed to “talk” to other people because you aren’t committed to the other, though you probably don’t advertise to one another that you’re also talking to someone else. This is the phase where you probably get jealous when your partner is talking to someone else, but it’s perfectly OK for you to talk to other people since the two of you aren’t exclusive, anyway.

2. "Seeing Each Other"

In this phase, you’re in the early stages of being exclusive with your special friend. You aren’t officially dating, but more often than not, you aren’t seeing anyone else. You’re almost always hooking up during this phase, but again, not 100 percent of the time.

I like to think of this stage as a time where you wouldn’t bring your partner to a family reunion, but you might bail them out of jail. This is a tricky phase because you probably aren’t calling your partner “boyfriend,” “girlfriend” or anything else, but you’re definitely an item and probably aren’t looking for other partners.

The transition from "talking" to "seeing each other" is tricky. There isn’t usually a definitive conversation in which you and your partner decide that you aren’t going to see anyone else; it just kind of happens. Maybe one or both of you have a particular length of time after which you would consider all of your relationships exclusive; maybe you became exclusive when your partner defeated the love of your life in a duel to the death over your hand.

Whatever the case, the changeover can be stressful. Are you allowed to be jealous or mad that they’re talking to someone else? How should you introduce them to people? You haven’t called each other boyfriend/girlfriend/fill-in-the-blank-friend yet, but you’re obviously more than friends. It’s a bizarre limbo. Once you cross the first line, though, it can be a fun place to be in a relationship, having the benefit of a partner without taking the plunge and making an official emotional commitment.

3. Dating

Dating is the most straightforward phase of them all. You and your partner have made the official decision together not to see other people, so good for you! You have a label for your relationship, which makes it easier to talk and be open about it. Now, you can introduce your partner to your family. You can start a TV series or even get a pet together. In this phase, “Netflix and chill” is only used ironically.

The transition from Seeing Each Other to Dating is the easier one to make, thanks to the invention of the DTR (Define the Relationship) talk. This is the conversation that usually starts with a question like, “So, what is this exactly?” One of you might ask the other officially to be your boyfriend/girlfriend/fill-in-the-blank-friend. If that conversation goes well, casual dating becomes formal dating.

If you and your partner realize during this talk that you want different things, you might part ways, or you might just prolong Phase #2 until you’re both ready to move to Phase #3. There are other ways to cross this line, though. You might introduce your partner as your partner instead of your friend; you might be super classy and send your partner a relationship request on Facebook. However you make it official, you can now enjoy your relationship without worrying about sexual politics and expectations until your family starts asking when you two are getting married.

To quote Rachel Green, “Remember when we were in high school, didn’t you think you were just going to meet someone, fall in love, and that’d be it?” I’m certainly not mourning the days of checking “Yes” and “No” boxes to tell my crushes I liked them, and I’m not hating on the evolution of this new kind of romance.

These many steps to an official relationship certainly have their benefits; they can make it easier to make sure you’re on the same page as your partner, and can help to prevent disappointment or, in some cases, heart-wrenching rejection. There are not many wrong ways to be in a relationship. Whether your happily ever after starts with a bouquet of flowers or a Tinder swipe, it will be the one that’s right for you. May you find it with a person who can quote your favorite TV show and lets you steal the fries off their plate.