As I feel the cold, harsh burn at the back of my throat, I can feel her looking at me. She's tempting and I can't get enough of her. I know I should stop, but I just can't, she just knows what to do. She helps me cope with the pain. Whenever I'm up at 4 in the morning, depressed, I know I can rely on her. She's always there, sitting and looking pretty. She fogs up my mind whenever I have her in my system, I just can't stand up straight and talk with a constant slur. She tells me the most awful, wonderful things. She's dangerous. She can poison you. She can make you crash your car. So, I keep going, drowning myself with her presence. My liver probably hates me now. But, I don't even care because I'll just sit in some stranger's car while they drive me back to my home and try to steal a drunken kiss.
I feel him tug me away just when I was done getting ready so I could hang out with my friends. He tells me that I shouldn't because he claims that they aren't really my friends. He says that they hate me and just keep me around because I'm a joke. I tell him he's wrong. But, he starts to yell at me. I'm the one whose wrong. He says that I'm living in an illusion that I created in my mind. I give up, he's most likely right. My friends probably don't even care about me. So, I stay with him. It's okay, he's just lonely, so I should just keep him company. He lives in the cold, dark and my screams as I feel my skin stretch open and ooze red from a sharpened silver. Even though I'm always controlled when I'm with him, I want him to stay because without him, I'll just be all alone. Even if I could leave him, he would out up a fight and make me stay.
I can't believe I want him right now. He stinks and his smell always lingers around me. You can smell him on my clothes, my skin, even my hair. Sometimes he'll leave a very faint bitter taste in my mouth. But, after a while, he won't taste like anything. At first, he was divine. He was there to take the stress away for me. But, every time you inhale his scent and a part of his soul, he becomes even more toxic than the last time. He's still divine. I can't resist him. But, I need to stop our relationship. It's too toxic. But, he's just so addictive and something about him invades my head. I want more of him, every time I smell him, I want more. I need more. I want the smell to linger around me. I want him in my lungs. Never mind my health, I just want him to linger around me.