As my semester finally comes to an end, the realization of the next phase in life suddenly overcomes me. I will be a senior next year. A senior. In college. Where has time gone? It seems like only yesterday I was running around on the field captaining the high school soccer team or at senior prom dancing the night away with my friends.
As I sit and ponder the events that have taken place over the past three years I can't help but marvel at all that has taken place. I have gone through some wonderful seasons, but also have endured a lot of heartache. Heartache that I would have never dreamed of ever experiencing. From the sudden loss of two amazing and close people in my life, to an awful breakup, to various personal battles like depression, it has been quite a ride.
It's funny, though, I don't look back on those hard times with remorse or regret. Instead, I look back on them with thanksgiving. I am thankful to God for seeing me through those hard times. I am thankful for the constant love and support from close friends and family. Without those things, I would still be lost. Lost in the darkness, walking blindly and finding false hope in temporary things.
Back in high school, I thought I knew it all. I had my whole life planned ahead of me. I was ready to go out and conquer the world and serve God no matter what. I can't help but laugh whenever I think about this. I was just a kid back then. A kid who thought he had it all together. A kid who talked a good game. Growing up in a home where your parents are strong believers, it is hard not to follow in their footsteps. Also, seeing as I am a person who is easily influenced it was very easy for me to just go with and believe in whatever they said. I always thought I knew what to say and was always very vocal about it. But did I necessary believe it? I may have thought of it at the time but now that I look back I realize my heart wasn't in the right place. I was basing my life and faith on those around me. Little did I know what God had in store for me.
Now? I am a man. A man with his own convictions. Whose faith is not based on his parents but is based on his own experiences of the love and grace of God. A man whose faith isn't based on feelings anymore but who realizes the constant presence and love of God and honestly, that is more than enough for me.
I will not always have the answers. I've come to realize that. I have had numerous people over the past three years question and challenge me on my faith and beliefs and honestly I never had a straight answer for them. I want to educate myself yes, and be able to talk to these people at length but I hope more than anything that my actions always speak louder than my words.
It has been a great run of three years. I have grown so much in so many different ways. Do I still have flaws? Yes. Do I still have a lot to learn? Absolutely. I know I am not where I want to be just yet but I am thankful that the Lord is with me every step of the way. He has gone from someone who was just a figure and name to my God, my best friend, and my King whom I live for and love to serve. I don't always get it right but I am thankful for His constant love and grace. It is encouraging to know that these things will never change. Jesus is truly more than enough for me.
