By the time I had left for college, I felt like I had read every dating book on the planet. I had read all perspectives from Joshua Harris’ I Kissed Dating Goodbye to books telling me to go on every date. I wanted to be educated and truly, the subject just fascinated me. I think like most teenage girls, I spent a lot of my time dreaming about the man I would someday marry. I spent countless hours with girlfriends discussing the perfect wedding dress and exactly how that dream boy should one day propose. Whether any of that is healthy or not is for another day.
Then one day, I woke up, and I got married. All those countless hours of conversation and hopeless romantic dreams about what THE day should be like had become reality. I woke up the next morning a married woman and started a new chapter in my life. It was a weird feeling; all those years of waiting and wanting to be married and here, now I was married. Honestly, I think I spent way too much time dreaming and hoping for that day to come. By no means am I the expert on dating or marriage, but here are some of my thoughts after playing the field for a few years and making it to the finish line.
Marry the man who knows how to clean and does his own laundry. This is not some feminist statement about men helping out in the home. A guy that knows how to clean the bathroom and do his own laundry shows that he has maturity and independence. You want to marry the man that is not tugging at his parents’ apron strings or wondering what he is going to do with the rest of his life. You want a partner that is content with himself and is a grown adult. Plus I am a strong believer, if you live in the house you help with the house. A man that already knows how to keep up on those things is a keeper. A man that is driven and is independent is someone you can count on. As you grow in marriage, you learn to lean on each other. You cannot do this if both of you are not first complete individuals. A mature man will not play games with your heart. He will leave you feeling confident in who you are and encourage you.
Marry the man who is financially smart. If you are planning on getting married, you should probably have an idea of how you are going to pay the bills. Being financially smart means living within your means, making savings a priority, paying off debt and having a job. It does not mean that fresh out of college you will be making a million dollars a year, but it does mean having a plan for the future. Realistically life happens and the postgrad life brings many surprises, but having a plan and some sort of direction and financial independence is important.
Dating is actually good and can be done in a healthy way. The first man I dated was not my husband. Dating done in a Christ-like manner can be very beneficial. You have the opportunity to get to know another person, figure out what type of person you like, and learn how to communicate with someone of the opposite sex. All of those things will be helpful in your marriage.
Know yourself and your desires first. I think it has been said before, but let me say it again. Girls, your identity is not found in any guy. If you want to catch a catch, you need to be a catch. There is strength and beauty in knowing yourself and your desires. A man will not complete you, he is a great addition, but his job is not to complete you. You set a very unrealistic and unhealthy expectation on your future partner if you place your entire identity on them. If you have dreams, pursue those. If you want to travel, do it! The more you know yourself, the more you know the type of person you want to partner with.
Do not be closed off to people. When I first met my husband, I saw cargo pants, a weird t-shirt, and slightly gelled hair that screamed homeschooler. His appearance did not scream stylish. The more I interacted with him though the more I liked him, and the style is improving. However, if I had gone with my first appearance of him, I never would have given him another glance. Getting to know people is apart of dating. Giving a guy a chance is sometimes worth it.
One of the mom figures in my life always said, “Britt, you get to pick.” It is so true. You get to pick who you date and eventually who you are going to marry. So, pick wisely.
