When I was younger, I was a giant ball of energy. I said hi to everyone I saw, talked way too much, and was excited about everything. I got energized from being around people and making them happy. People knew me as the loud girl. I enjoyed being viewed that way. I didn’t think too much about anything that anyone thought of me.
As I got older, that carefree nature of mine began to wear away. I considered other people’s opinions of me more. I started to worry about how I appeared to people, if they thought negative things about me, how I could change myself to be someone that they liked. These heavy thoughts made me more insecure around people, and in turn, I became more uncomfortable and uneasy around people. I didn’t enjoy being boisterous and energetic anymore. People started to drain energy out of me. I would go hang out with friends and I would have to leave early because I wouldn’t really be enjoying myself.
After a while, I became more comfortable in my own skin and I started to become more like my old self. Although, those introvert-type tendencies stayed with me. I had to learn how to balance the people-loving side of myself with my social anxiety. This new balance was especially hard as I moved past high school and into college.
In college, you meet new people every day. There are new people in your dorm, in your classes, and pretty much everywhere else you go. Before I got to college, just the thought of being around new people would make me feel like I had to hurl. Going to a college of about 20,000 students sure didn’t help! So, I had to make a decision. Was I going to let my fear of being judged ruin my college experience? Or was I going to push down that fear and make college a great experience like it is supposed to be?
I chose to make an effort to make college a great experience for myself. I tried to make friends with people in my classes. I hung out with the girls on my floor. I joined the government of my residence hall and a larger organization on campus in order to meet new people and have something to do with my time. I went out of my way to introduce myself to people and I am so thankful that I did. Sure, sometimes I was nervous that I came on too strong to someone and they wouldn’t like me. I just had to remind myself that I had friends that would stand by me and that it didn’t really matter if one person didn’t like me.
I try my best not to say no to hanging out or going somewhere just because I am not feeling extremely extroverted that day. I almost always say yes to invites now because I know that in the end I will be thanking myself. Yes, I still turn the offers down sometimes because everyone needs to take a break every once in a while, and that’s okay. It’s okay to not want to go out sometimes. It’s okay to want to stay in and chill sometimes. It’s also okay if you change your mind and you want to go to a party and have fun with your friends. Everyone has a different balance between introvert and extrovert; it is this balance that keeps life interesting. The challenge is to know and understand your balance so that you can make your college experience completely your own.
