I took a hike last week. I actually took a couple because I’m used to it. Hiking, for me, is one of those activities that my parents forced me to do when I was little. Wherever we went on vacations, we always hiked and I was never enthused about it when I was small. Every time we went I ended up thirsty, tired and hungry. But worst of all, I had to pee and I was not about to squat behind a tree, not at the age of 10 at least. Fortunately, somewhere along the tiring way I ended up falling in love with hiking. The nature and exercise, finally, overcame me. By the age of 16, there was only one thing left about hiking that I hated: heights.
Conveniently for my story, the hike I did last week is a hike I had also done once before at 16. This hike is a perfect example of hiking in high places. The hike climbs about 1,639 feet (205 flights of stairs for those of you with Fitbits) up a mountain. At many parts of the trail, the path narrows into lookout points, and along the main trail lies many sharp corners with heart stopping views. For someone with a fear of heights, this hike was awful. So when I finished this hike the first time, I turned to my mom who had convinced me to go up in the first place and proclaimed, “Never again.” Of course, three years later, I found myself back out on this trail, making a liar of myself.
Which brings me to my present self who was excited to re-attempt this hike last week. This version of me was not afraid to go out onto those lookouts, while my mom was afraid and encouraged me to be careful (last time I did that to her). My mom, the person without a fear of heights, was the one to hang back from going out all the way, whereas I, the person with the fear of heights, went out on all the ledges. And on those ledges I thought about how far I’ve come, metaphorically speaking. It only took me a year of living at the climbing gym to face down ledges that scare me half to death. Sometime during that year, I learned how to quiet my fears. I learned that to go out onto those ledges you cannot think about what would happen if you fall. All you need to focus on is what you are doing and not those terrifying hypothetical situations. Those are the places in your head that you cannot visit if you want to overcome your fears no matter how small.
Am I still afraid of heights? Of course I am. Do I still go to that place in my head that I shouldn't go to? Of course I do. Just a few days before this hike I was standing on another ledge and I started to imagine falling down the cliff side. Then, I took about 10 steps back. I’d rather not die, thank you very much. But the point of all of this is that to overcome your fears, you need to be able to control your thoughts and recognize your own abilities. And remember that you won't always do this perfectly, but you'll improve with time.
This hike reminded me of the fact that I am growing up. I’m not that little girl who demanded her dad to pick her up because she was tired. I’m not even that 16-year-old girl who didn’t want to leave the trail. And the only way I realized this was through seeing the progress I’ve made in an activity I’ve been doing all my life, an activity that just so happened to contain one of my largest childhood fears within it: hiking.
