Let's face it sitting outside in the sun for hours, staring at a pool can be very boring. Lifeguards everywhere can relate to these thoughts:
1. "What the hell is so hard about walking?"
No matter how many times you tell a kid to walk, they will end up running.
2. "Do I even remember how to properly do CPR?"
Let's be honest, the last time you actually had to do CPR was on the dummy at certification.
3. "Is that even swimming?"
Most of us guards are/were on the local swim team or at least know how swimming works. Sometimes the way kids are moving in the water you have to question "is that even swimming"?
4. "I am going to have horrible tan/burn lines"
Sitting outside in the sun for hours on end will result in some type of burn/tan no matter how much sunscreen you put on.
5. "God I hope it storms soon"
Nothing is better than a storm rolling through making everybody leave the pool so you get paid for doing nothing.
6. "Please stop pretending to drown"
Seriously these kids are the worst. There is no need to float lifeless with your face in the water.
7. "Why are all of these children direct descendants of satan himself?"
The children someday's are HORRIBLE. Nobody will listen to you, and they won't stop screaming.
8. "Honestly it would be nice if somebody pooped or peed in the pool right now."
Sometimes it doesn't matter how it happens, you just want everybody out of the pool.
9. "Why would you think you could do butterfly?"
Unless you are a swimmer do not attempt butterly. Even I, a swimmer and butterflyer, sometimes cannot even swim butterfly.
10. "I hope my whistle doesn't fly off and hit a kid."
Twirling your whistle is obviously the best way to pass time while up in the chair; but there is always that fear of it flying off and hitting a kid.
11. " How much time until somebody switches with me?"
Sometimes 30 minutes in the chair can feel like 2 hours.
12. "I am not a babysitter"
Parents for the love of all that is holy, please control your children. I am here to save your child's life not to babysit them while you get drunk and gossip.
13. "I am not a swim lessons instructor"
Yes, I know how to swim. Yes, I know that you are not swimming correctly. No, I will not stop doing what I am getting paid to do just to tell you how to swim like a normal person.
14. " I am so bored"
15." At least nobody can tell I am staring at the total babe over there because of my sunglasses."
Bay Watch? More like Bae Watch.
16. "Oh god, why am I even thinking about that?"
As the hours press on you find your mind wandering to your elementary school crush, when your grandma's birthday is, or how weird the meatloaf you ate last night was.
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