Too many people think that lifeguards are always bored at their job while they stand around staring at people just waiting for something to happen. Sure, I guess there might be some guards here and there that are honestly bored, but the majority of us really aren't. What are we doing when we look like a blank slate?
We're thinking.
Lifeguards are almost always thinking. We think about who in the pool might be the highest risk, how many people are currently in the water or if the current guarding position is most ideal for the activity taking place. When it's a hot day outside and the pool you're watching is super busy, you've got to think in advance and be prepared for anything.
Now, with all that said, there are some other thoughts that do creep into our minds while guarding… let's lay them out:
1. “Please don’t run... just stop... don't even think about...”
I swear this is the number one thing we always have to tell people — you can see when a kid is gearing up to for a sprint too.
2. *Sees someone floating face down* “Please move, please move, please move, please move…”
Please, don't dead man float. If I see you doing that, you're gonna get told not to.
3. “I really hope that’s just a bandaid on the bottom…”
It is normally just a bandaid… normally…
4. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven — wait did I already count them?”
Why is everyone in such a big hurry to move around? Can't you see I'm trying to silently count you all in my head?
5. *Looks at other lifeguard to see if they’re gonna enforce a rule while they look at you wondering the same thing*
It's just like when you try to walk pass someone on the street and you keep stepping in front of each other instead of out of the way.
6. Either, “Wow, it’s so nice outside! I wish the pool was outdoors” or “Wow, it’s so rainy out here! I wish the pool was inside.”
I mean, I personally prefer inside pools, but I think I'm a minority there.
7. “Yes, I can certainly and immediately adjust the water temperature while I’m on rotation guarding. Thank you for asking.”
In case you missed my tag, no, we can't really adjust the temperature.
"You've been in the water five hours already, I think it's time to go, Mr. Prune."
Really how much time do you want to spend in a chemical coup anyway?
"Are you gonna get in the water... no? OK — wait, now you are... or aren't? Make up your mind!"
Wishy washy people who can't decide if they want in or out. I'm trying to count, pick one!"
