It’s fall and we all know what that means, Instagram pictures of lattes, pumpkin spice everything, and you guessed it apple picking. Apple picking is one of those rare and unique things that everyone loves to talk about and plan but kind of sucks when you actually do it. I know you’re all gasping and sputtering at the blasphemy I just said, but really, take a minute and think about it. I can see you’re starting to come around but if you still need more convincing here are all of the thoughts you have while apple picking.
1. Wahoo! Apple Picking
The first thought you have is just pure excitement. You’re just so excited to put on your cutest new sweater and go out to the orchard and pick all of those delicious apples. And the apple cider and caramel apples and gourd decorations, you can literally think of nothing better (except all the amazing Instagram pictures you’re going to get).
2. Still So Excited But Yikes This Orchard Is Far
I mean I guess it makes sense, you do need a lot of space to grow all of those apples but it’s really far. But then you just turn your attention to all the delicious apple recipes that you saved on Pinterest and just think about how artsy and cool you’re going to look. Totally worth the drive.
3. Finally Here! But All The Choices It’s Too Much
You leap out of your car and smell that crisp autumn air and think this is it, this is what life is all about. You step up to the little table handing out the bag to collect your apples in and all of the sudden they start throwing all of this jargon at you. Do you want a peck or a bushel, they have Granny Smith, Red Delicious, Golden Delicious, Honeycrisp, Gala, until it’s all too much and you just yell and apples I just want apples. Then they look at you weirdly hand you a bag and tell you only to pick where the flags are.
4. Apple Picking Is Easy
You’re having a great time, you’re a pro. You don’t know what these other suckers are doing but you’ve got the best apples in the orchard in your bag. This tree right here has so many good ones how can you pass them up.
5. Yuck, Why Is It So Muddy
You look down at your beautiful white converse and see they’re covered in mud. Why is it so muddy?? Everywhere you look there’s pools of mud and smashed apples. You start picking your way carefully to the next tree trying very hard to stay clean but somehow getting covered anyway.
6. Ahh Bees!
You were about to wrap your hand around that beautiful crisp apple when you see it, a huge bee. And then you realize, that’s what that low buzzing sound that you’ve been hearing since you got there is. The bees, they’re everywhere.
7. Wait! My Bag Is Full!
You’ve been there all of ten minutes and your bag is now full. It’s not just full it’s overflowing, you’ve stuffed every last apple you could in there. You look in your friend’s bags and nope theirs are full too. You all look at each other with that “now what are we supposed to do” look and decide that you guess it’s time to pack it in.
8. At Least There’s A Hayride Back, Hayrides Are Fun
Ok so you may be covered in mud, terrified a bee is going to fly out of one of your apples and sting you, and holding on to your overly full bag of apples for dear life, but at least you get to go on a hayride. And what’s more fall than a hayride?
9. Plot Twist! Hayrides Are Not Fun!
As soon as you sit down you immediately regret this. Since when has hay been so uncomfortable? And it’s so bumpy! You’re falling all over the strangers sitting next to you, you’re apples are flying everywhere, and you have had it.
10. Just Get Me Out Of Here
You walk in to pay for your apples and you see that the line could not be longer. The people in front of you could not be moving any slower. They’re tasting fudge and making polite chit-chat with the cashier. Well, this is not the time for polite chit-chat! All you want to do is pick up some apple cider and go home and rest from the ordeal you have just been through.
11. Finally! On Our Way Home At Last
You got your cider, you throw everything in the trunk of your car and just drive.
12. Omg! How Many Apples Did We Pick?!
You get home and realize you must have picked at least 100 apples. What are you going to do with all those apples?! There aren’t enough recipes in the world, and let’s be honest you were never going to make them anyway. So you just stick them in your fridge and decide that no one will leave your house without at least a dozen apples.
13. Well At Least I Celebrated Fall
As you lie on your couch exhausted, you’re at least happy that you spent your day celebrating the beautiful season of fall. You were outside and were in nature and you got so many good photos of you with trees that no one will ever know trauma you really went through. But I’ll know and it can be our little secret.