You know when the end of 2018 started to get closer, I saw 2018 as probably one of the worst years of my life and that with that in mind I was going to make 2019 the best year ever and have a lot of self-love installed throughout the days.

The first few days of 2019 were amazing I did something I never thought I would do and that made me see that this year was going to be full of a promising adventure for me but then all of a sudden the third week into the semester that's when all hell broke loose and life was hitting me so hard all at once.

I had a rough end of January because of multiple reasons with my mental and physical health. Let's just say having the flu is the WORST thing ever and nothing can ever top that. I was immobile for days and never left my bed.

Normally, I feel like that would usually be a good thing but not when you're sick and every time you eat or drink something you feel the need to want to puke it all up. Yeah, no. NOT fun for me. And there were some issues with among my friends and I that I wanted to clear but again, I couldn't because I couldn't leave my room at all.

The one best thing about it all was that the MSU had canceled class for 2 days because of the bitter coldness that Michigan experienced where when we went outside for like 10 minutes, we would get severe frostbite. And that would not work for me. I didn't leave my house for like 5 days and all I wanted was to go home but I couldn't.

Anyway, things didn't seem to have been clearing out for me and the sucky part was that I really thought I could push through and make it but there was a point where I was like I really can't. I mean I still do feel the same way, especially with school because I really don't think that I will ever succeed but my mom told me not to lose hope and I promised her that I won't and that's a promise I can keep.

I never really understood why bad things happen to good people and as to why I continue to keep being put through the wringer with everything. Like everything that could go wrong continues to go wrong and I hate that. It makes me want to lose hope. But I know I shouldn't because you can't have good days without going through the bad.

I still pray for good days every day lately I've been wanting to look towards the better things in my life and see that I have good qualities that make everyone who talks to me love me, and honestly that's enough for me. It should definitely be more than enough for me. Not to be a cocky bitch but the thing is that I am a great person and I need to remember that more because I don't give myself enough credit and I should.

That's what it means to self-love, not just telling yourself that you're pretty and worth everything you deserve.

Things just take time I guess. I mean life at this point on February 15^th, it seems to be alright. Of course, there are flaws and stuff but that doesn't mean that I'm going to be focusing on the good. In the words of Quinn XCII in one of his latest songs, Life Must Go On…., "Life must go on". And with that, I say goodbye and good night.