Whether this is new for you, or whether you’ve always been this way -- stop. You’re only hurting yourself. Take it from someone who does this way too often: stop seeking approval and praise for every little thing you do. I’m not calling you out to make you feel bad. I’m calling myself out and those like me, so you can change for the better or at least be conscious of what you’re doing. That’s the first step.
It may be as small as worrying about what you’re wearing or how you look. You may ask your friend or roommate several times before leaving the house if your hair or makeup looks okay or if this dress makes you look "fat." It may be more complex than that, like bending over backward to make your parents proud or your significant other happy. Whatever it is, you worry too much about what other people think.
You probably know that already though, but what you don’t know is how to stop this ever maddening feeling of not being good enough unless other people recognize what you’re doing or achieving. You need them to be vocal about it, yet you may even find it hard to stop there, doubting them when they give you a compliment or praise.
I don’t have answers here, or some kind of simple solution. The only thing I can offer is advice. Ask yourself if you can take a compliment. For example, when someone tells you they like your hair, do you respond by saying thank you, or by something along the lines of “Are you sure? I feel like it is so frizzy today.” Fix this, by being nicer to yourself and accepting the compliment or praise. Say thank you and leave it at that, and remember that you are too hard on yourself.
It isn’t easy to be a recovering validation addict; I’m relapsing all the time. When I find myself increasingly self-conscious or under pressure, it helps to just breathe and remind myself that the only person I need to be happy with me, is me. The only person you need to impress is yourself, because at the end of the day, you are all you have. I can’t lose sleep over making my parents proud of me, over the assignments I’ve already handed in and have no control over anymore. I will wear what I like because I like it, not because of someone else’s opinion. I can’t lose sleep over feeling like I was awkward that day talking to someone in my class, or feeling like I need to be the perfect girlfriend or friend.
Wake up every day and tell yourself that the only validation of your actions that you need comes from yourself. Make yourself happy and everything else will gradually fall into place.
