"Hello, my name is Samantha Narciso, and in the summer of 2016, I lost One Direction."

For those of you who live under a rock/ have never met me, One Direction is arguably the biggest boyband of all time. Sure, NSYNC* has JT, and Backstreet's back (alright?), but no one has had as quick and as huge of an impact as One Direction. For me personally, One Direction is basically all I talk about. My abroad hashtag was #FourMonthstoFindNiall (Here's a picture of me at Niall James Horan's house in Mullingar, Ireland). My dad has literally taken away driving privileges from me because I only play One Direction when I drive. Harry Styles is my son and I share him with his mother Anne who is the queen of my life.

So imagine the heartbreak I experienced when I saw that #OneDirectionIsOverParty was trending on Twitter. This was due to the fact that Liam Payne, also known as "DJ Payno" and "Daddy Direction," signed a record deal with Capitol Records. Sure, Harry Styles signed a solo deal with Columbia Records earlier this year, but Columbia is One Direction's record label, too. At least Harry was staying in the family. Liam has ditched us. Obviously, the fandom is going berserk. I personally played One Direction's first album, "Up All Night," on a loop for about 4 hours. This is a time for grieving. This is time for us to go through the Seven Stages of Grief, as aided by my former sons, One Direction.

Step one: Shock and/or disbelief.

I'm not going to lie, I saw the headline that Liam signed a solo deal and I tripped and fell on my way to the Pokestop at my library. Liam was the one who said they were coming back! Liam promised me! Over and over again, all four members, especially Liam, promised that this was just a break. Liam James Payne, you were my rock. I've spent the past (almost) eight-months hoping and praying that you'd sing for me again as a group by next Christmas. This cannot be happening. Daddy Direction must be lying.


Step two: Denial.

I refuse. This is not the end of One Direction. One Direction is my life. One Direction is all I have in this world. Niall Horan has let me down too many times, he can't do this to me to (For reference, search #FourMonthsToFindNiall on Instagram, and feel my pain when my abroad experience ended in Niall going to my favorite club the night I was packing to go home). Harry is my husband, he would not do this to me.

Step three: Bargaining.

What do I have to do for you all to come back? I will literally do anything! I've now downloaded all of your music, including Louis' horrible audition from the "X-Factor UK," "Na Na Na" and "Home." I'll follow all of your moms on Instagram. Louis, I will stop believing that your baby is a publicity stunt. Harry, I will literally work until I can buy you every single pair of Yves Saint Laurent sunglasses they make. Niall, I'll start golfing. Liam, I don't know what I can do for you other than stop being weirded out by your relationship with Cheryl Cole (She's 33 and he's 22, and he was 14 when they first met, here's a video of her watching his first audition for the "X-Factor"), and you have cute dogs so I guess I can do that. Just please, please, please come back as a band.

Step four: Guilt.

This is because I didn't call in to the radio stations enough to request their music. This is because I reblog Larry Stylinson too much on Tumblr. This is definitely because I said Liam was my least favorite member of One Direction. It's just he has this weird mouth so that when he smiles it looks like he doesn't have any teeth. Is it because I tweet Harry too much? What did I do wrong? What can I do to make the four of you not break up?

Step five: Anger.


How could you break up? You said over and over again you'd come back. Was all of that a lie? What am I supposed to do with myself now? I literally just listen to your music and cry. I don't do anything else. My background is just a rotating collage of Harry. I follow all of your sisters on snapchat. Am I just supposed to unfollow them now? Do I pretend that I don't know who these people are anymore? And if you followed your normal schedule, you were going to be touring near me when I turned 21! Where am I supposed to drink legally at a concert now? Do you know how difficult it is to just turn off your emotions for someone? For four someones? I already had to do this a year ago when He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named left the band because aliens told him to (straight up, what is going on with Zayn?), and now I have to do it again? Nothing is right in this world, nothing.


Step six: Depression.

I think the worst part about all of this is that I'm not mad really; I'm just so sad. One Direction has been a huge part of my life for the past six-years, and it's going to be hard to not have them in my life anymore. Over the past six-years, I've graduated, gone to college, lost my grandmother, watched my father progress to a place in his Parkinson's Disease that makes every day terrifying. One Direction has been one of the only things that makes me happy. They've kept me going when I didn't think I could keep going, whether it was the promise of another one of their concerts in the summer, rocking out with my baby sister in my car to all of their music, or just one of the many videos of Harry making fun of interviewers. One Direction is just a huge part of my life, and I think that it's going to take me a while to get used to never hearing all four of them singing together again.

Step seven: Acceptance.


So, this is the end. One Direction won't perform together again, and that's OK. I have almost six-years of memories. I have thousands of YouTube videos to get through (If you too are insane, please enjoy this masterpost of every One Direction video ever). I have almost 100 songs to listen to. I have a Harry's new movie, "Dunkirk," to see 12-times in theaters. I have Harry and Liam's new albums to hear and then see them perform them in concert. I have to learn how to play golf so I can get in a celebrity Pro/Am tournament and Niall can be my celebrity. I have to move to L.A. and find the Starbucks Louis goes to every day. If you read this and need someone to give you a hug or to watch "This is Us" with, I'm your girl. One Direction, you and me have a whole lot of history, but this isn't the end, it's just the beginning.


Bonus step eight: Hope.

Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in! Today (it's July 23 when I'm writing this, I understand you all are reading this several days later but pay attention) is the six-year anniversary of the formation of One Direction. And I assumed that no one would be celebrating this. But how wrong was I? Very wrong! Before I was even awake this morning, my precious small Louis posted this video on the One Direction Facebook page. He then tweeted this:


Followed by Niall tweeting this:


Also, Harry tweeted this:


and Lou Teasdale, the One Direction official hairstylist and Harry's best friend, Instagrammed this:


Plus, Ruth, Liam's older sister, wrote this in response to Liam's solo deal:


So is this the end? Does this mean that One Direction will be back November 2017? Does Lou's Instagram mean I'll finally be able to see the "Infinity" video? Does Louis not know what an ellipses is? Is Harry Styles actually Hillary Clinton because they sign their tweets the same way? Who knows? I certainly don't. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills half the time. But there is still hope, and in the meantime, here are six of my favorite One Direction gifs to celebrate the anniversary. Thanks for reading about my insanity, and I hope the rest of you Directioners are surviving the hiatus as horribly as me.

All gifs belong to their creators, and all were found on Google Images.