Lately, I’ve grown really interested in learning about all kinds of relationships. I find myself reading research-based articles and taking college classes on interpersonal and family relationships.
If you want to know the 12 signs you have already found your soulmate, I’ve got one sentence for you: I have absolutely no idea.
As you may have already noticed, this is not your typical love article.
Visualizing Relationships
Relationships come in different and unique shapes and sizes. However, they have one aspect in common: they are all extremely important.
Just close your eyes and picture a life without family, friends or significant others.
I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t picture anything. I can’t dare to imagine living a life without the people I love.
Yes, I know… I used the word love.
Why? Because, more often than not, we tie the word love to relationships. In our minds, they go hand in hand.
Although not every relationship involves love or vice versa, understanding love is key to understanding relationships and the enormous impact they have on our daily lives.
Understanding Love
Throughout many centuries, people from diverse parts of the world have come to a halt and asked themselves an identical question: “What is love?”
Despite the fact that various influential philosophers, writers and scientists have provided us with distinct definitions of this concept, there is a particular aspect that remains constant. Without exceptions, all individuals believe that love is an extremely strong feeling.
To better understand what love really is, we should categorize love into two types: passionate love and companionate love.
In Simple Words
Before I get to the scientific description of characteristics, this little script I made for you can help you have a basic knowledge of these terms.
“I’m in love with you,” said Passionate Love.
With a sad, even guilty, expression on her face, Companionate Love replied, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”
Let’s Get Scientific
Passionate love, also known as romantic love, develops from the combination of intimacy and passion. This kind of love has three important components: cognitive, emotional and behavioral characteristics.
The cognitive characteristics include intensely focused attention and obsessive thinking.
Ever had a friend who cannot seem to discover anything else to talk about than her boyfriend? I feel you.
Somebody who passionately loves his partner endures hardships when trying to focus his attention on anything that is not his other half. In the same manner, lovesick couples appear to be obsessed with their partners.
On the other hand, passionate love’s emotional characteristics are euphoria, emotional dependency and increased energy. People who fall deeply in love feel that they are the happiest human beings in the entire universe when they are next to the person that owns their heart. Constantly, they experience feelings of extreme happiness and excitement that generates energy during their day.
Last but not least, the behavioral characteristics consist of seeking proximity and sexual bidding. For couples who are immersed in this intense romantic love, going an entire day without seeing each other is an atrocious burden. They feel disposed to be near each other regularly, even if it is only for a minute or two.
Romantic Love and Other Drugs
Romantic love is also characterized by physiological arousal and the belief that the significant other is the cause of that arousal. The “symptoms” of passionate love resemble those of addiction.
Starting to feel less passionate about the same person over time? This is entirely normal and doesn't mean that you love them any less.
It can be extremely overwhelming if our brains are constantly activated by the same stimuli. As a result, individuals tend to habituate.
Plan C
Have you ever heard a friend mention that their partner is their best friend?
This is exactly how companionate love works.
Companionate love, commonly known as friendship love, develops from the combination of commitment and intimacy. This second type of love is characterized by companionship, enjoyment of shared activities and caregiving.
Take your friend and her boyfriend as an example. They have spent so much time together doing both extraordinary and not-so-extraordinary things. They talk about literally everything, they go to the movies all the time, they know each other’s entire family (including pets).
Of course, they are each other’s best friend.
C is for Caregiving
In addition, friendship love involves caring for the other person in a whole new level.
Romantic love activates the same areas of the brain that an addiction activates, remember? Well, companionate love activates the areas of the brain associated with caregiving.
To Sum It Up
Passionate love involves passion and intimacy, whereas companionate love is built on commitment and intimacy.
Good News
Although passionate love decreases over time, companionate love increases.
Passionate love is more likely to be perceived as exceptionally high at beginning of the relationship. When passionate love starts to fade, it doesn’t necessarily signify that love is all gone. You know how Alexander Graham Bell quote goes: "When one door closes, another opens." The decrease in passionate love allows companionate love to grow and further develop.
This is not your typical love article, but that's the point.
