We know so much these days. Such truly amazing things exist that are tangible, understandable and clear-cut. We know how to do things, what this and that are made of, how stuff works, and where things come from. And yet for as much as we do know, we know so little. There are things out there that are incomprehensible and unimaginable. There's one thing out there like this, something some know well but simultaneously can't understand.
It's what changes your normal, moves timelines up, scares you. It's the monster in your closet you hoped was never really there but sneaks up on you when you least expect it. This monster, this thing that changes you is so scary because it doesn't have to directly happen to you to affect you. Cousins, relatives, friends, idols, teammates, pets, anyone, absolutely anyone can have it happen to them or their family. This piece of the world that we both know and don't know, this game changer, monster in our closet, the nightmare, it has a name.
This is cancer.
I haven't known cancer but I've seen it. I've watched it grow and spread. I've seen it shave, bruise and swell. Because of cancer, I've seen bad become worse. Whether it made a brief appearance or stayed around until the end, it always sucked.
If you've seen cancer then you too know, you remember, and you will never forget. You may not have been it's victim but you know the damage it renders. You don't know why or how but you now have witnessed the very worst happen to the best of them. Everyone always wonders why bad things happen to good people, but when the bad thing is cancer, this question just doesn't cover it.
You want to ask why now? Why my family? Why is our normal a thing of the past? What did s(he) do to deserve this? Why can't we just rewind? What could we have done? Why this? Why that? Why cancer? All very real questions but each as unanswerable as the last. This is the scary part, the part we're always afraid of: the unknown.
In this new phase of unknown, you stick to what you do know. You know that your loved one is sick and that everyone has to change their lives to be there for them. You know that they're in a lot of pain and you can't do a whole lot to help them, but you know you can try your best. You know that after months and months the only thing you really know is that cancer took a lot from your family, and yes it really, really sucks.
Cancer may take a lot of things from you and your family but I've seen it give. Give? Yes, give. It gives pain, lots of tears, more and more doctors, a little more pain, and big bills, but believe it or not cancer actually gives some good, too.
This may sound insane. No way cancer and good can be put in the same sentence unless the cancer is 'gone for good.' I know you may not be able to see it or find it but I've seen cancer give hope. I've seen it bring people together. I've seen it amplify love as it dishes out battles to the strongest fighters.
If you're seeing cancer right now, don't question God. Try to find that hope and hang on to it. Grab on and don't let go, because there will be a lot of pain and times where you're just sad. You will cry and you will want to question everything and anything. Try to see that God is not the bad thing. Believe that God is the one little light in the darkest hours. God is the good days. He is the one bringing you hope and putting the fight in your fighter.
It is one of the scariest monsters out there but this is how you fight cancer, with that unwavering hope. Hope may seem vague and small compared to the enormity of cancer and it may seem naive to think that grasping onto this idea can do so much. But really, it can. As hard as it is, even though sometimes you can't, this has to be the way you take on cancer.
For all that cancer takes, it gives you a chance to find a strong sense of hope. This hope is how we start to understand cancer. This hope is how all our questions and things we don't understand are pushed aside, because when someone you love gets cancer, it no longer matters how it got there, but how you all are going to get through it.
A little hope can help. Cancer may be the only part of your world you can feel but it doesn't have to define your fight. Let hope do that.
