I remember when "Thirteen Reasons Why" first floated around my vicinity. I remember feeling like a low grade version of Hannah Baker. I remember hiding the book under my bed so my mom wouldn't see it and ask questions about what book I was reading and so I wouldn't have to explain why it seemed so interesting. I was the tough kid. And while sure I got emotional behind my family's doors I was only supposed to have trouble with my bones. Not my head too.
I started wishing that even though I felt similar to her, that I could be funny like Hannah Baker. Weird like her, too. But the end of the book stirred something inside me. There was no true happy ending. Hannah was still dead. It was so realistic that somehow it helped. I got mad. I got spiteful. I got even more stubborn. Sure, life isn't all rainbows. Sure life straight up sucks and it feels like there's no way out. But there is always something to look forward to. Sometimes it's hard to remember that. Sometimes I ignore it. But it doesn't make it not true.
So here are the thirteen reasons why I stayed, and reasons why you should try to too.
(Believe me, I completely understand that these things don't fix everything, but it's always something to keep in mind)
1. Someone out there is going to miss your smile or laugh.
Whether it's sardonic, a smirk, or one that comes with a head thrown back and is followed by the clapping of the hands. No matter how much you may hate it, someone else loves it.
2. Someone out there needs you.
Whether it's for your homework answers, or someone's stranded at work. Your pet needs water, your best friend needs talking to, or maybe you brush by someone and remind them that they too exist. Someone relies on you. Someone is going to miss out on your presence not being there.
3. That friend that plays the guitar, drums or sings really loudly on beaches, piers, or in cars.
You will never get to hear that again. You will never see them on stage. Never roll down the windows for everyone to hear or catch them on camera being silly.
4. You will never see things coming out.
Never find that one great book that you cradle close to your chest and walk around with. That movie coming out you've been waiting ages for. The thing that puts you at peace when you settle down with it.
5. Your sibling won't have you.
And though it may seem like you're not much to look up to my God it's better than having one who willingly left you behind. Siblings are always supposed to be there in some form or another. Whether it's to binge watch their favorite movies. Go outside and threaten other kid's for, or send care packages across the country to. Even if just to let them know you know about them. That you're going to raise hell for them. If you left, they wouldn't have that.
6. Ice cream.
Need I say more?
7.No more adventures.
Don't give me that bullshit Peter Pan excuse of "dying being the next great adventure " I'm talking about the real ones. Whether it's random trips that you beg your best friends brother to take you on or your friends texting you telling you to get ready because they're on their way and you have no choice. Midnight swing sets anyone? Impromptu day trips you probably shouldn't take?
8. Who else is going to be the mom friend?
Who else is going to notice the details no one else does. That one has trust issues. This one needs a hug on certain days. This one secretly loves classical music. And this one, this one is hiding that they feel the same way you do. And if you can show that you're pulling through, maybe they can try to too.
9. You are never going to have the chance to prove them wrong.
To prove that we can make it. That we're not crazy. That we can do whatever we can do, that we will even if on or own terms.
11. You will never see what's out there.
That town or city or sometimes it feels like even state? The one where your grandparents know everyone, or you're somehow distantly related to that girl who just moved a couple blocks over? That is the only place that will truly have your mark. You will never get out. You will never see the world. Never know what's really out there.
12. Festivals, parades, fireworks, running or spinning in the rain.
Things that for some reason never get old, no matter how much older you keep getting. It'll always be around. And you should be able to partake in it for as long as you can.
13. It's always somebody's birthday.
Always someone who will have you gone as their birthday gift. Nobody deserves that. For them to wake up and maybe see it on the news, at school, on facebook, or even get a call or text.. Nobody deserves that. And for you to miss out on celebrating with them that they lived a whole other year would be truly and completely terrible.
