So recently I had surgery on my wrist, and prior to waking up from the anesthesia, I asked my mom to record all the things I said. And, well, I believe I am a natural comedian. But before we get started I would like to say that typing this article hours after my surgery was no easy task, so I hope you all enjoy.
So before my parents even made it to where I was, I asked the nurse if I could have something to drink. My reasoning: "I think my breathe stinks. I think I have become a mouth breather, whoops." Now keep in mind, as I said all of this, I could barely keep my eyes open and I was as high as a kite, so it was much funnier than it seems. I was also informed that I began to argue with the doctor about my scar not being big enough, apparently "scars make you badass, I want a bigger one." Also, I had work the next day, and they began to tell me I was not going, even though I had to (and did, might I add).
My two biggest concerns that morning was that a) I really wanted to watch the surgery, and b) I was afraid my piercings would close; neither of which happened. The first video we have is just that. I was whining about not being able to watch.
Afterwards, a girl who was called in minutes before I was, was told she would only be a few minutes. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw that she was still there. "She's still here?" I said in a whisper. "They said she was going to be quick!" so my mom responded with a simple "they lied," which had me say in my high state of mind, "Yea you're not kidding."
The next memory would be of my father asking me if I felt good, in which I slur in response, "Yea, I mean I wouldn't like to be on this everyday, but its not bad, I can't feel a thing!" And that is when I noticed the IV was still in my hand, so I rolled my head in disbelief and asked "What the hell! Why is still in my hand?!" and I was told it was to get my fluids. So I stared blankly at my father and said "Yea right here" and, with sass, drank my soda.
"I'm disappointed I didn't dream about talking French fries," I said. So, my father said we could stop to get me French fries. "I don't want French fries. I wanted to dream about French fries."
The monitor was beeping consistently, so I started dancing along to the rhythm, trying to make it beep faster. Then I noticed I was not in the same waiting room, and was not happy. "Hey wait, this isn't the same waiting room!" so my dad said it was the recovery room. "WELL, that's stupid. You're not stupid, but that's stupid."
"Okay I'm awake, we can go now."
On top of all my jokes while on anesthesia, I truly sympathize with lefties. Computers don't like them, they constantly tell the mouse to go elsewhere when typing, and starting a car was tricky; why is the ignition on the right side? Same for shifting gears, like, do you know how hard that is when you can't use your right hand for anything?
Not being able to use my right hand means I can't tie my hair up, I can't wear make up, and I can't tie my shoes. I have a significant struggle opening water bottles, buttoning my pants, and shaving. Needless to say, I already cannot wait to get my function back, but it made me see just how hard it is out there for those who can't use one hand, but it makes me see just how accomplished they are.
