Okay, we all know how it is: freshman year, we go wild, we lose our minds, we call home and have our third existential quarter-life crisis... and all before Wednesday. I mean... It's stressful!
*Plot Twist* So is life. Once you're an adult and away from the college campus, its mega bad. Graduating and entering the adult world versus being in undergrad is much like poker -- it's the same game you used to play at the kitchen table, except now it's at a casino and the stakes are much higher.
1. It is no longer acceptable to ignore your responsibilities until the night before they're due.
Literally. A paper, cool. Maybe that take home quiz from the one professor whose sobriety was questionable most of the time, awesome. A 12-page sales index report in triplicate with annotated sales dividends to marginalize two fiscal years, maybe not the best idea in the world.
2. Ya' call home begging for money because of an irresponsible purchase.
"Hey, I found a nice pair of interview shoes and I spent too much. Can you deposit some money into my meal plan?" sounds a whole lot better than, "Hey, so, I totally spent too much at the bar and bought Chipotle 12 times too many this month. Could you just pick a bill and tackle it for me? Thaaanks."
3. It's pretty bad being publicly spotted wearing the 'Walk of Shame' outfit.
Walking from one dorm to another is embarrassing. I get it. Sashaying back into work in the same button-down and tie you wore the past twp days, however, is how rumors get started.
4. It is no longer acceptable to celebrate every minor achievement with a party.
5. Pajamas in the workplace...
Like, it should be a crime, really.
7:. Staying up all night to binge watch your favorite Netflix series before a huge presentation at work...
Seriously. I know we used to get away with it, I know all 4,000 seasons of Friends is on there... but I'm positive that we're too old to continue to do this.
8. Just opening your cabinets and eating whatever is in there for dinner...
Apparently we're expected to actually grocery shop and buy food that's healthy for us and canned goods and all that! It's bullshit!
9. Striking up a conversation with a random person.
In college...
At the grocery store...
Seriously. It was interesting in college. But when I'm Target buying five bottles of wine, I don't need your life story or your judgment.
10. Coming into work totally still drunk from the night before but still trying to get them hours.
We've all done it. Hell, my time at Starbucks is kind of a blur, whatever. But try strolling into the office there, and see how well that works in the adult world.
Look, I'm not saying you can't still act like you're still in college... I'm just saying it's frowned upon.
Give 'em hell, kids.
