I started dating this guy back when I was still a freshman in high school. He was goofy, nice, and everything I felt like I wasn’t. He was the guy that everyone absolutely loved, the typical class clown. We dated on and off for six whole years. During those six years, he would break up with me just to get a rise out of me, cheat on me, lie to me, and then make me believe that I was the one crazy in the relationship. I allowed this to go on for years because every time I would decide that I was finally finished, he would reel me back in.
Part of me hoped that maybe he had finally changed from his childish ways. I don’t completely blame him for the problems in our relationship, but I know that a great deal of them arose from his inability to tell the truth and my inability to believe anything he said. Even after all the truth was out in the open towards the end, I stuck around for a month in denial that things between us would never really be what I wanted them to be.
As I moved to the outside of the relationship, I finally began to see what everyone had been scolding me for years. Dating this guy brought out everything I hated in myself and it was finally time for a change. Tears put aside, a lot of positive came out of me finally kicking him to the curb.
I got my confidence back. There is a certain power in looking at the guy you once saw a future with and telling him that you will never get back together (cue TSwift).
I am actually happy again. It’s relieving to not constantly have someone bring me down. Once I realized that the only opinion of myself that mattered was mine, he really didn’t bother me anymore. You think I’m a bitch? I’ll show you one.
My BS radar is on point. By this point, I can spot a lie from a mile away. I actually love it because I can pick up on bad vibes from guys so much better now. This only adds to my confidence when I am able to call a guy out on it.
I realized that loving myself is more than enough. After a while, it got hard believing that I was worthy of anyone’s affection. I realized that I had always been whole and that I had never really needed him. Because I love myself first, I no longer let anything or anyone hold me back.
Breaking up isn’t always the end of the world. If you can survive a horrible relationship, anything else is really a piece of cake.
