I've been playing drums (alongside a variety of instruments) since as far back as middle school. I'm not the best drummer you'll ever hear, but I am confident enough in my own abilities to hold down a beat and adapt my style for almost anyone I jam with.

However, in my few years of experience, I've also had to jam and perform with people who don't exactly understand the drummers' way of life or how we operate.

As opposed to using a drum machine, having a live drummer is far more versatile because there's feeling in the groove you play; the ability to manipulate tempo and power in a such a way that you can't get from a program. Drummers have an extended range of abilities compared to other musicians, but also their own limitations. Just because we sit at the back of the stage doesn't mean we don't deserve credit and respect where it's due. We're the only part of the band who use our entire bodies to play.

For that reason, drummers often carry themselves with a mental set of rules or a list of things you shouldn't say to them. Everyone, take notes -- these are a few key phrases you should never speak to a drummer.

1) "No, no, play it like this."

Sorry, amigo, that's a no-can-do. The kit is the drummers territory and we make the big decisions on what to play and when to play it. Small suggestions are fine, there's no problem with asking for another cymbal hit to accent something. However, being totally specific with how you want something played would be considered disrespectful, and it's even worse if you have no sense of beatboxing or being able to scat out your drum parts like every drummer does to communicate.

Drums are one of the most liberal instruments to play, which is why I've grown so fond of playing lately. Drummers aren't tied down to a key signature (at least for the most part), or a melodic scale to follow and don't have any set restrictions besides the ones we create for ourselves. Time signatures aren't a bother because drummers are timekeepers; we control the time signatures for the band to follow.

Asking a drummer to do something specific stifles the creativity that comes with making the beat their own, and then having them play is rendered moot. Drummers hold more power that you'd like to believe.

2) "Play it faster/slower. Here, this is the tempo."

Pretty much the same thing as the last one. Don't tell the timekeeper what the tempo is. If you'd rather have a drum machine, go pay $200 to buy a program, I'm here for free, though.

If the drummer is slowing down or speeding up unintentionally, get a new drummer (cause you're probably playing with Lars Ulrich). Otherwise it may be a deliberate decision because the drummer feels the tempo should be that way, or they may not possess the strength/stamina to play as fast as you need. Growth with drumming ability takes time. Some drummers take years to bring their playing up to a certain bpm, as they need to work large muscle groups to build strength, stamina and consistency.

The first thing you should know about playing with a band: bass and drums are the rhythm section. You follow them.

3) "Can you play softer?"

Let me tell you right now, the only reason you should say that is if someone comes in complaining because your band is way too loud at 2 a.m. If it's a big room, turn your own volume up because chances are the drummer is already half deaf from sitting in front of his own snare and cymbals while you're halfway across the room standing at a safe distance from your rig.

4) "Can you not play while I'm tuning?"

Ok, sorry. I gotta warm up too, though. Drummers need to make sure they're all warmed up. Vocalists can hum away and do lip trills for their throats, guitarists and bassists can play unplugged for their fingers. Yes drummers can use a practice pad, but that's for when you're at home, not in the practice room with the rest of the band.

Drummers need to flex the joints and muscles in their shoulders, wrists, knees and ankles to warm them up and be ready for playing, especially if on an unfamiliar kit or with a new setup, as it takes time to readjust to a new configuration and the distance and placement of equipment.

Playing while people are talking is admittedly a bit disrespectful on the drummer's part, and I've honestly done that before. But once you've played a solid run, it feels uncomfortable to suddenly stop for a minute. It becomes somewhat of a compulsive/addictive sensation, possibly due to the hormones released while playing.

5) "Play this time signature"

Ok, I've been going off about how great drummers are, but some drummers (like myself) are still learning, or don't possess quite the chops you may be looking for. I've only recently begun to delve into odd times like 7/8, 5/4, 13/4, and basic polyrhythmic beat structures. I can pass for something of a Prog drummer, but I wouldn't call myself one. As much as I love investigating time signatures, it's not yet within my capacity to play them and actively keep track of them as I play.

Know your drummer and know their abilities before you go around asking them to play things they can't do.

6) Jokes About Drummers Being Dumb

According to multiple recent scientific studies, the ability to coordinate limbs and hold a beat to a tempo translates into having more efficient brain function when it comes to problem solving. Drummers with advanced rhythmic ability have higher IQ's and perform better in high-pressure situations.

In plain English—drummers are smart and think fast.

Drummers are also tough as nails, as the craft of drumming is far more physically demanding than other instruments. Drummers are shown to have higher levels of endorphins and adrenaline while playing. Therefore, they more often experience positive emotions as well as display a higher pain tolerance after playing.

Also—we make great lovers. Do yourself a favor and date a drummer.

If you want an offhand list of things you can do to piss off a drummer, here you go:

1) Don't play on a drummers kit and break their sticks/heads/cymbals, these costs pile up. Sticks and heads are usually pretty cheap, but we try and make them last. Cymbals are longer-lasting, and sometimes broken ones are fun but an individual cymbal can cost hundreds of dollars.

2) Don't play on a kit in a practice room if you don't actually play drums, and then let a drummer walk in and quietly sob over the condition of said kit. There was one kit we had in the choral room in high school that was just a mess because everyone would walk in and batter the hell out of it.

3) Don't think that because you can hit fast/hard, that you are a drummer. It's not just about hitting shit really hard, unless you're John Bonham. Regardless, there's still technique involved. If you don't know the difference between French, German, American and traditional grip, don't even think about it.