It's a Saturday night. You decide to head out to the bar with all your pals, unwind, have a great time, and go crazy. All of that is great. Customers like you are how bars survive. But before you step through those swinging doors and into the haze of the neon lights, please take a second to realize the hot bartender (i.e. me) is more than just a conversationalist or a glorified babysitter. She's not just there to make your night fun. She's also there to keep things safe, organized, and clean. Now don't get me wrong, your bartender totally wants you to have a great time (after all, nothing is worse than spending your whole night at work watching unhappy people), and Bartending is an awesome job where you get to talk a lot and be around alcohol. We are all aware of the perks. However, for some reason we bartenders still have that burning desire to be treated like real human beings (I know it's absurd, but humor us). Wehave a pretty cool job, but that doesn't make it easy. It actually doesn't make it fun either. What makes or breaks our night is not a bottle off the top shelf, it's you, so please, refrain from doing the following.

1. Fighting

With us, with your friends, with a stranger, I don't care, just don't do it. Also, I should probably specify that "fighting" applies to not just physical violence, but also arguments out loud. Sure, a healthy debate over a couple pints is fine, but screeching and name calling can actually be worse for a bar's reputation than roaches.

2. Anything Illegal

Don't try to get alcohol for minors, don't try to drive home if you're over the legal limit, don't decide to flaunt your naughty bits for the world to see, and don't commit sexual acts or perform bodily functions in our parking lot. It's not that hard.

3. Refusing to Hear "No"

If the bartender tells you "no," listen. This applies to such situations as (1) when the bartender tells you you're done drinking, (2) when the bartender tells you they are not interested in you sexually or romantically, (3) absolutely any time the bartender asks you not to do something. Also keep in mind that "no means no" and consent cannot be given by anyone under the influence (this falls under "Anything Illegal," but some people need to be reminded).

4. Smells and Messes

No one is going to hate you over one accidentally spilled drink, but please, don't pour things onto the floor, don't spit, don't throw anything, please don't be that person who stinks up the place, and follows all possible etiquettes when using the bathroom. In general, just think about if you would want to clean up your own mess. If you wouldn't, we probably don't want to either.

5. Light Tippers

Honestly this one is more of a strong dislike than a hate, but it can't be stressed enough. The bar owner may love the guy who stays at the bar all day drinking Bud, but when that guy exits the bar without leaving a tip, the bartender may or may not decide to burn an effigy. Also, in many cases, bars and restaurants don't even have to pay minimum wage. The going rate for many independent bars is $5 an hour. Our livelihood is in tips. I'm just saying.

This Saturday when you head to the bar, feel free to let loose, have fun, and go wild, but also remember to be the person you want to be: a person the bartender likes. It isn't hard, and it can only add to the quality of your visit. So put on your party clothes, grab some cash and a few good friends, and don't be a jerk (for lack of a stronger word). Your bartender will thank you-- possibly with a free drink.