I had an eating disorder when I as younger. My parents were scared. My friends didn't know. I didn't really care that I had one because at least I was getting skinny (Key word: getting).
When I watched To The Bone, the Netflix movie with the incredible and beautiful Lilly Collins, I was astounded by how accurate the depiction of eating disorders was. I understood the movie perfectly and saw it for all the beauty that it contained; my boyfriend, on the other hand, was left with a billion questions because the behavior just didn't make sense to him.
So, for all of you that have never had an eating disorder, and for those of you that have, here is an explanation to the behavior of those suffering.
(Spoiler alert)
1. You can't just EAT.
The movie shows the sister of the main character (Eli) begging for her to just eat and saying it can't be that hard to just eat. Truth be told, it's incredibly hard for those suffering with an ED (Eating Disorder).
When I was suffering with Anorexia Nervosa I was told to just eat multiple times, but for me it wasn't that simple. In fact, it terrified me. You see, I had come from a place where I was a little on the heavy side, and I had been bullied; I had come from a place where I was told my body wasn't good enough; I had come from a place that was propagated by the societal pressure of thinness; AND, I had landed in the lap of the luxurious Anorexia and finally found that I was a little bit closer to being "thin" and thus, a little closer to perfection.
I thought that if I lost more weight, I would attain that "perfect" body, and I was afraid that if I ate, I would be on a downward spiral of binges that would make me "fat" again.
Think about it this way: You're scared of heights, and someone tells you to go on the roof of a ten story building, climb on top of the ledge, and hang your feet over the edge. Could you do it?
Eating to the disordered eater is the same thing as sitting on the edge of the building. It's facing your worst fear: gaining weight and going back to where you started. It's not so simple, now is it?
2. Do people actually chew & spit?
The short answer: yes.
The long answer: To the ex-anorexic chewing and spitting makes perfect sense; you get all of the flavor, none of the calories, and--the biggest bonus-- you get none of the extra pounds the calories would give you.
Basically, you're putting a tall mesh fence on the edge of the rooftop so that you can't fall down. You get all the pressure of looking out over the city, but none of the nerves associated with falling to your death.
3. Why is gaining weight scary?
For the anorexic, gaining weight is terrifying. It means you've failed. It means you couldn't reach perfection. It means you aren't good enough.
Think about it this way: You've been training for a musical performance for the last six months, and all of the suddenly you hit the wrong note, not once, not twice, but about twenty times.
To the anorexic, gaining weight is like hitting every note wrong. It's like being completely off key, knowing it, and being forced to perform anyways because you have a gun being held to your head.
4. Why throw up your food?
Bullimia is actually responsible for episodes of throwing up after eating. The basic answer to this question is: after going on a food binge that can't be stopped, you feel guilty; so, you go to the toilet and try to get rid of the problem. It's a mechanism to, again, not gain weight.
5. Doesn't it HURT to not eat?
At first it sucks a little, the hunger pangs, the light headedness, and the general weakness, but after a while you just, get used to it. It's kind of like when you go to the gym for the first time in a year: at first you really hurt, and it sucks, and you'll probably give in to not doing it for a day or two if it's that bad, but the more you get to doing it, the more you begin to like it because you start to see results, and then your body starts getting used to it, and you start learning the tricks to making it a little less terrible, and the next thing you know, you're hooked.
These are five important things to keep in mind when watching To The Bone.
