My dear friend,
It's been a while without you. In fact, if I actually count how long, it's been over a year and a half without you... without seeing you at social gatherings, without seeing you walking the dog around town, without seeing you across the street playing basketball. It's been over a year and a half without talking to you, laughing alongside you and laughing at your childish yet unforgettable jokes. It doesn't feel like it's been that long -- I can't believe it has.
I remember during the first few weeks, all the adults were throwing their advice at us. I had never lost someone so close to me before. I had no clue how to act, what to do, how time would heal. They told us not to worry because things will get better. They told us it hurts now, but it won't hurt forever. They told us that the feeling of pain will soon fade away.
It was impossible for me to believe them -- their words went in one ear and out the other. It's so hard to know that someone so happy, so well-mannered and so good for this world was taken so young.
Even though it's been a while without you, I've learned over time that you are still here, and still with me. I feel you in the air and I see you in the little things. When that one song comes on the radio, I can hear you singing it alongside me. I know that your presence on this earth hasn't left and that you will continue to guide us along our paths through life, supporting us as you always did.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about you or miss you, as clichè as that sounds. But the Fourth of July is probably one of my favorite times to remember you. Now, when I think of you, I don't cry and mourn as I used to. I smile so, so big. When I think of you on the Fourth of July, wearing your USA soccer jersey and protecting your American flag from being stolen from your room by us girls, I am happy and joyful.
The sadness still creeps up on me at times when I least expect it, but I am now able to push those negative feelings away by remembering how lucky I am to have an array of memories with you throughout the years you were with us.
Happy Fourth of July, CT. Party it up for me and know that I still miss you.
Love,
Kyra
