It's a pretty intense feeling. It's definitely hard to describe. Impossible, really. Every single thought I'd like to express sounds like some dumb cliché. If you've ever felt the overwhelming passion that goes into hating someone – so thoroughly and truly – then you've experienced the passion that goes into loving someone.
This passion is a raging wave – compiled of hatred and love, anxiety and hope, regret and inspiration. Once the loving has stopped, hatred usually takes its place. The passion still remains, it just takes a different form. Frustration and anger replace joy and laughter.
The body feels electric when the passion first enters in. Their voice, their eyes, their touch, their soul. Uplifting, faith building, promising. You've entered your utopia. The person you've been – the one you're so proud to have created and become – now feels like it was only ever the shell of who you are. They have filled you completely. They haven't replaced you or made you. They have taken the small things you've built and set them on fire. The things that brought you happiness now bring you life.
Your mind is consumed. Thinking of them and trying not to think of them; being with them and doing things without them – but wanting at every minute to be sharing memories together. Even the moments you admit you need a break apart, you're aware of the fact that you are apart from them by choice. Your day lingers on the very next word they'll say.
You crave them physically. Your hands shake when they're empty, you're mouth waters and you lick your lips. Subconsciously, you need them with you. Their arms around your waist; their face and the heat of their skin so close to your own.
Your soul, your heart, and your emotions are linked to them at this point. That's what passion does: it pulls you in, it tempts you, it fulfills you, it provokes you, it gives you a reason to move forward. It fuels the fire.
Don't be mistaken, passion is a glorious thing. It's not evil, it's not manipulative, and it's not meant to be dangerous. The world is broken and battered and wrong. People take passion and destroy it. They have made the same passion that goes into loving someone the sole replenisher to hatred.
Love that has developed over years can turn to hate in a matter of minutes. When you are so lovingly passionate towards someone who walks out of your life, that passion has to go somewhere, and it usually turns to a feeling of anger or hatred.
The feelings from before continue. They are now just followed with waves of anxiety and heartbreak. The feeling of being full and whole has turned to emptiness and longing. Still, the feelings are equally as strong. The things that brought you life now bring you burdened memories.
Your mind is still consumed. You hate that you are thinking of them but continue to do it. It's not enjoyable anymore but instead it's painful. You don't know what they are doing and even when you do know, you are angry about it. Your day is not filled with the joy of waiting for the next thing that they will say. You are furious at them for not saying anything at all, and then you are still just as mad when they do reach out.
Physically, you ache. It's heavy and tiresome. When you have a burning, passionate anger for someone your whole body reacts. Anxiety causes you to lose sleep. Anger hardens your heart and creates a bitter mind.
The person that once brought you so much joy - brought the passion that consumed your life - now only creates rage and disappointment. That isn't a way to live. It's emotionally and physically draining to yourself.
The passion that is closely connected with love can come on quickly and aggressively. The passion of hate can be just as strong but often takes longer to dissolve. Beautiful love is meant to be passionate. It is meant to overwhelm you with hope, joy and comfort. While life will always provide a time involving wrath and fury, there has to be a turning point.
Each chapter that ends in your life is a lesson of learning to let go. Even though the hatred that comes when love ends will always be there, as you grow and learn more, the rage lessens and you move forward faster.
