I came home that day and for some odd reason remember telling myself today was the day. This is it. I don't remember what day it exactly was but it was a day that changed my view on life and the world itself.
People on depression medications are constantly at a battle with themselves, every day, every month, and every minute. Their thoughts when they are alone literally overwhelm them. But to the public they seem perfectly fine. When on the right schedule and sticking to their prescription these people feel extremely well like they can finally call themselves 'normal', or what society views as normal. However, there's those days where you're just busy and accidentally forget a dose then one turns into two, three, four, and now you've reached your max. You feel like the world is closing in on you and you can't seem to figure out why you can't do anything right. You ask yourself over and over and over why you can't be like everyone else, why do you have to take medicine to help you feel right. Shouldn't you just feel right? After all, you've been on them for so long you shouldn't need them anymore. What if you go to that dark place again? What if you can't get out? Your life is fine ya there's ups and downs but you should know how to handle those by now. You shouldn't need those pills, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. Scary. These quotes go over and over in the mind of a depressed person, one that has either gone some days without taking them or one who's prescription just isn't right.
But here's a fact, there's nothing wrong with you. You are completely normal, in your own crazy way. Everyone has a brain and everyone's is wired differently. Depressed people just have a little less activity in their brain and they need some help to get that activity up and going. There's absolutely no shame in that. Ask any person; they will tell you that at some point in their life they became depressed, some needed a little help to get them over that hump and some didn't, some it lasted only short term, some still are struggling with it. But there is nothing wrong you.
Unfortunately, some never get out of the hump and the end result is a terrible decision made by the person. September is suicide awareness month and as someone who has been in this dark place I would like to touch on the subject. Nobody likes to talk about the word suicide and many people cringe at the word, but it's all to true and it happens way too often. You have too much to live for and life is a precious precious thing. You are dearly and entirely loved, it may not feel that way but trust me you are. You are the best thing that has ever happened to someone, and one way or another you have impacted a life. I have been there and I know exactly the pain and hate you are going through. I would never wish that on not even my worst enemy, no one should have to feel such self-loathe. You are not alone and you are loved please talk to someone, and if you feel that no one will listen know that there is always someone. There is nothing wrong with you, you are entirely perfected by imperfections.
"I loved you at your darkest." Romans 5:8
