I’ve been trying to process the outcome of this presidential election for the past couple of days. I didn’t sleep on that fateful night. I remember watching the electoral votes increase for Trump and doing the math every 15 minutes or so to calculate how many more states were needed for Hillary to win. At midnight, I was still optimistic but by 12:30 a.m., I was getting increasingly worried. By 1:40 a.m., my hands were involuntarily shaking and I felt my eyes stinging. I fell asleep because I had had a long day, but I tried to fight through my sleepiness. I hardly slept. I was awoke at 3:30 a.m. when someone broke the news that Trump had won the election by a significant number of electoral votes.

The first thing I said was, “What?” I knew his victory was a possibility but I had sworn up and down that HillaryClinton was going to win. The second thing I said was, “I can’t believe it.” I was in denial for about half an hour. I heard the words, “Trump won” but I wasn’t processing it. I had someone explain to me how many votes he won by and what the popular votes illustrated. I’m still in shock, honestly, as I’m writing this.

The third thing I did was cry. I cried from the confusion, from disappointment, from anger, from sheer hurt. I felt like the world was crashing around me. I was overwhelmed with questions about my community and my friends. I also wondered what this meant for my immigrant friends, for my friends of color and the inevitable uprisings of hate towards them.

I didn’t go to class the following day. I spent all Wednesday trying not to cry and looking for a logical explanations for this happening. And of course, I know there are logical explanations, systemically. I’m a political science major. The first thing I had to become aware of was the how democracy works in the United States. That’s basic. But this explanation didn’t and still doesn’t feel like enough.

I cried all of the tears that I could between then and now. It’s difficult to be optimistic about a man who ran his campaign with hatred. Hate directed toward fellow immigrants, women and people of color. How can I put faith in someone like this? How can I put faith in his future administration?

I returned to classes on Thursday and the atmosphere was very still at Hunter College. Everyone looked somber. Many of my friends and classmates were asking each other how they were doing, if they were okay. The gesture made me glad that people were still compassionate and understood the impact of this loss for us all.

On Friday, I cried in class. I spoke about how my immediate family all wanted Clinton to win. I talked about how distant relatives were rooting for Trump. It’s as if they didn't remember the struggle of being a person of color. It’s as if they didn't remember how difficult times were when they were immigrating from their countries or how much their parents struggled here. I realize Trump’s economic values appeals voters. Politics aren't black and white. I understand that. Voters do not necessarily have to agree with everything he says and supports. However, I am unable to recognize people because who I thought they were. This election was very personal and now, the future is uncertain.

I haven’t gotten past the grieving stage yet. The silver lining that I can see thus far includes protests by minority groups and people my age who want to make a change. It is as if overnight, a large percentage of my generation wanted to become involved in this movement, to have our voices heard. Many progressive Millennials began thinking about making changes by becoming involved with government and that brings such joy into this incredibly emotional week.

Not to mention, there were history making senators elected this week. Five women of color were elected into office, this includes Tammy Duckworth, who is a disabled veteran She. happens to also be the first Thai-American woman to win a seat in the Senate. Catherine Cortez Masto, who is the granddaughter of a Mexican immigrant, will be the first Latina senator in United States history. Ilhan Omar is a former refugee from Somalia and will be the first Somali-American legislator in United States history. Kamala Harris is the daughter of Indian and Jamaican immigrants and is the second black woman to be elected into the Senate. Pramila Jayapal is the first Indian-American woman to be elected to the House of Representatives. This is a huge accomplishment for women in politics as well as all women across the nation.

If we didn’t get the first female president yet, it is only a matter of time until we rise up with a hundred times more ferocity to make this happen. The silver lining is there. It’s difficult to see right now with the uncertainty that awaits in 2017 but we can’t give up. I promise my friends, peers, family and colleagues, that I will do anything in my power to assure their protection. If that means becoming more seriously involved with politics in any way, shape or form, then so be it.