Ah, Spring Break; a time of revelry and debauchery. A time to make bad decisions with friends because the weather sucks slightly less (if you go to the school in the North like I do.) A time to go to Mexico and drink margaritas by the pool and get a ridiculous tan that will last you (hopefully) til' formal or whatever.

I cannot believe this will be my very last Spring break as an undergrad. This is it. This is the home stretch. This is the end.

If you've been following this particular series, you know of my anxiety over stepping out into the real world - health insurance, job opportunities, etc. - all make me feel deeply panicked and unprepared, as if I've been so focused on trying to just get out of school that I didn't have a plan for what would come next once I did.

I've been applying to jobs around the country. The one thing I know is that I want to spend one last Summer/Fall here, and then I'm out. This might be a very Rhode Island thing, but maybe folks in small towns can relate - I cannot stand running into every single human I know over the course of the week, every week. Everyone knows my family because my mom works for the school department and every kid has to go to school.

I hate small talk and I have no privacy. I hate having to update everyone in the waiting room of my doctor's office on my life, I hate having to catch up with the girl behind the counter at Dunkin' Donuts, I hate seeing my old boss and telling her how I'm getting on with my new job. I hate never feeling any sense of anonymity.

Some people love this, and it can be understandable. During the Summer, I really don't mind as much, because I hardly have any place to be or anything to do. I'll also have a shiny new degree in hand and, hopefully, some sort of job title to go along with it.

I've told a few people about my plans to move across the country and they all "ooh" and "ahh". People from Rhode Island don't generally leave Rhode Island, and if they do, they always wind up coming back.

"Wow!" Everyone has said. "You're moving all the way across the country?! That's so far! Why do you want to go so far away?"

Because I am sick of seeing you every time I try to buy an apple at the grocery store, Phyllis.

It's not that I hate my family or my hometown - on the contrary. Though sometimes my family and I don't see eye-to-eye, I know they care about me and will miss me, and I love my pretty New England hometown, but I need a change. Several people keep telling me that this is the time in my life to make this big change, to take that big leap and try to make it on my own somewhere else.

For a while, I was scared of what might have happened if I failed, but now, I don't care anymore. I want to try. I have to try.

This is the last Spring Break I'll ever have.
And then it all becomes real.