It was about mid spring semester of 2016 when and I had to change some of my medication around. This is a semi-normal occurrence for me so I did what I always do, slowly weaning myself off the medication I was on and slowing working myself on to the new medication.
About a week into this I began to feel a little strange, I shrugged it off trying thinking it would go away. This “strange” feeling only got worse -- it developed into a constant nagging always reminding me it was there. I was always nervous, anxious or thinking about something. I could not settle down no matter what I did. I am a pretty high-strung person as it is but this was different. I did not have anything to be nervous about, everything was as normal and okay as it would be. I did not have any school projects or tests coming up.
I told my dad about it and then my friend, she suggested what I was feeling is anxiety. I was feeling anxious a lot but I don’t have anxiety and I was grateful to not. She did and said a lot of what I was describing was what she deals with daily, only a lot worse. I took a step back, a lot worse?
You mean this can be worse?
This was impeding on my daily life as it is and you say you experience this worse? Wow.
For the next couple of days I functioned with this idea. It was strange. I know so many people who had anxiety and this is what they experience every day, probably worse than what I am feeling.
The tipping point for me was one day I was packing to go home for the weekend from college, this is usually a simple task for me and I had almost all day to do it. This Friday it really did take me all day to do it and one breakdown.
I got out my bag and started with my clothes. I quickly realized that this task would be challenging for me.
What clothes should I bring?
Well what will the weather be like? Checks weather.
Do I even like my clothes? No I don’t. Great.
I should try wearing the clothes I don’t normally wear.
No, that is stupid. I should be comfortable.
This shirt is cute. Why don’t I wear it? No. It’s ugly now.
What was the weather again?
I repeated this and variations of again and again. I got so worried I would not have the right clothes.
What if I was too hot or too cold?
What if I didn’t like what I had with me?
What if the weather changed?
What if I was suddenly called to a very important formal dinner?
My mind was spinning so fast, I couldn't stop thinking but at the same time I couldn't think at all. I sat down in the middle of my room and cried, clothes spread out all around me. I couldn't believe how I was feeling. Looking back I can't believe this is how people feel.
In the end I basically pack six different outfits for three different seasons. It was ridiculous.
However, this article is not being written so you can hear about my short experience with anxiety but rather I want to praise those who deal with it daily.
You rock. No, seriously though. I honestly have no idea how you do it. I have the utmost respect for you.
You all are superheroes, battling this world daily and the hidden wars that lie inside you.
You are all conquers. Every day you overcome each day. Each obstacle that once was standing in your way, it is no longer. Nothing can take you down.
You are amazing, beautiful, wonderful, smart, funny, one of a kind, loved and a warrior.
