“There is definitely a ghost in my room.”
“Someone is hiding and they are here to get me.”
“I am going to fail every exam and then I will not get any scholarships and then I will not be successful in college.”
These are thoughts that constantly flew through my mind. I would wake up in the morning miserable, worrying about anything and everything, and I was unable to fall asleep at night because my mind would not surrender.
Anxiety is normal and even healthy, to a certain extent. It is natural to have a reasonable level of concern over life changes and large events; however, what I experienced was intense and constant.
My senior year of high school was stressful, as everyone’s is sure to be. Because of this, I did not see my anxiety as anything out of the ordinary. In the second semester, I experienced the depression that often accompanies anxiety. Nothing was enjoyable. Not even the activities I knew I enjoyed were fun. I had no desire to do anything, and when I did, I did not find pleasure in what I was doing. This left me more time with my mind, allowing anxiety to overcome my brain. Thankfully, depression left me alone after about six weeks.
Anxiety took away my ability to live a normal life. My worries were perpetual and terribly unrealistic. There was often nothing provoking the anxiety and I was unable to trace why I was feeling the way I did. I always felt like there was something that I needed to get done and then I would feel better, but I could never place what that something was. I was consistently tense to the point where I sometimes struggled to breathe.
There was no reason for me to feel so uneasy. I had the best support system that I could have asked for and those who knew about my anxiety did the best to help with my needless distress. I was genuinely pleased with my life. It was a beautiful summer, I was to go on a fantastic vacation, I would be off to college soon and I had love and support.
Deciding how to handle the anxiety was difficult. There are many effective treatment options, from doctors and medicine to seeing a therapist. I chose a recommended doctor in the area and met with her to discuss my issues and treatment. I did not enjoy my appointments with her, so after a couple appointments, I switched to another doctor whom I got along with much better. The second doctor and I worked out a treatment plan.
About two weeks after my last appointment I moved to college. I was excited for a change and ready to pursue my education. I soon began to see a therapist and, not surprisingly, was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The therapist established another treatment plan.
By the end of the first semester at college, I felt like a normal person again. I believe this was due to a combination of things. The doctor’s and the therapist’s treatments definitely helped more than anything. I am confident that without their help I would have suffered for much longer. I also believe that the college environment I was in was somewhat remedial because I was surrounded by all kinds of different people and something was always happening.
I certainly still experience anxiety, but not near the extent that I have in the past. I now know of coping mechanisms that I can use when anxiety arises.
I am not ashamed or spiteful toward my anxiety. My experience even encouraged me to change my major to psychology and now I have the opportunity to learn about the mind and how to work with it.
If you are struggling with anxiety, my suggestion is to find help. It may seem hopeless, you may go through several doctors or therapists and you may find treatment unenjoyable, but it will get better.
I can only hope I do not experience anxiety of equal severity again, but if I do, I am thankful to know how to cope.
