I have found this idea to be infinitely true, but it's not a realization that has come easy. Like anyone else, I've experienced disheartening moments and times of fault when I was unable to let go of a grudge or heartbreak- both platonic or romantic. Because whether it was a friend or a past relationship, it has always seemed nearly impossible to forgive disloyalty or allow anyone to walk all over me and get away with it when there was still so much built up anger left inside of me.
What I didn't realize was that forgiveness was not something we do for others, but an act we take part in for ourselves. It is a necessity rather than something we just give away without meaning, as well as a vital part of self-healing and the restoration of our inner freedom. Most people believe forgiveness means reconciling or making up with the people who shattered our trust and don't necessarily deserve to be forgiven, but that's not exactly true. Forgiveness does not automatically require accepting our betrayers with open arms as if nothing ever happened; it requires the mature decision to let go of the past in order to make genuine peace within ourselves. Even if they don't deserve forgiveness, we deserve to go forward.
The biggest wall standing in the way of us breaking free from our past is our natural human ego. Pride is an inevitable roadblock in overcoming the bitterness and pain that has been inflicted on us by people we trusted or loved. And as unhealthy as it is, people are instinctively attracted to seeking revenge when they have been wronged. But contrary to what we believe, hurting others or even withholding forgiveness does not equal "getting even." Nor will it make you feel any better or hurt any less in the long run. What it does do is continue to prolong our suffering and hinder our future happiness. In the end, we are only hurting ourselves when we fail to acknowledge that forgiveness is having the resilience to take the weapon away from our enemies, and also choosing not to use it to hurt them back for our own sanity. I've definitely learned that the hard way, but if I've learned anything it's that the hardest apology to accept is often the one that was never given to us in the first place.
The most prominent lesson in forgiving others is that we must stop allowing people to have power over us. By holding on to resentment and quenching the thirst for vengeance, we allow ourselves to be chained to these so-called enemies through hatred and negativity. Instead, we must make the effort to recognize that we are human and not everyone is going to have the same heart as you. Not everyone is on the same path with the same mindset or level of empathy and consideration. Forgiveness is neither weak or naïve, but courageous and genius. If someone didn't love or respect you enough to do right by you, respect yourself enough to accept the reality and rid yourself of that hatred in order make room in your heart for something better. All of this might be easier said than done, but the only thing that hurts more than the pain of losing a friend or significant other is the pain that we cause ourselves by refusing to do what's best for us and not letting go of destructive energy.
Not one person is without fault and we could all admit that we've once fallen into the temptation of pettiness and grudge holding. But, it took all of my own mistakes to teach me something that's changed the way I see everything and everyone- that it's never too late to do better and be better than the person we were yesterday. Taking those steps to let go of your anger and replace it with a higher capacity to love and grow is all about beginning to walk on the path that will finally set you free.
