Sometimes it can be hard to forgive. The things that people say and do can really wound us. Our hearts may feel bruised and weighed down by the pain that others have caused us to bear. But what if the weight is not actually from what they did? What if the weight is really from the decision we make to not forgive? Sure, it is always going to hurt when someone does you wrong, but the pain will only persist if you let it. The weight will only get heavier the longer you hold onto it.
When we withhold forgiveness and hold onto our grudges, our hearts literally feel weighted. There is an inner tension, an inner ugly feeling that wells up and seems to grow. We have to lay it to rest. Our hearts can easily become hardened, and when they do, it hurts us. Our hearts become closed and locked to love, and we begin to see the effects in other areas of our lives. It is hard to feel as close to God as we long to be, for God is love, and a part of our hearts becomes closed to love by hesitating to give love to the person who hurt us. This situation can sometimes seem impossible. We want to blame the other person for hurting us and then blame them further for causing us to hurt ourselves because we are finding it hard to forgive! Don’t worry. If you rely on God’s love for you, you will be able to forgive.
Well, how can we rely on His love when we are already distanced from Him because of this mess? We may feel distant from God, but that does not mean that He is actually far away. He never leaves our sides. When we decide that we want to forgive, He will immediately come rushing in! All you have to do is open your heart, and if you find it hard to do that, then simply ask for the grace to do so. God will hear and be delighted to give you the grace you need. He loves you. Unconditionally. When we remember the unconditional love and mercy He has for us, that He always forgives His imperfect little children no matter the offense, we see how fitting it is that we should forgive others. If God forgives us when we can never make it up to Him, we should be able to forgive imperfect people who are just like ourselves. We see from God’s mercy in our own lives that forgiveness is given, not earned.
We tend to blame others and say to ourselves, “How could they ever do such a thing?” but the truth is, we cannot answer that question. We cannot understand because we do not know their hearts. We do not know what their lives have been like, what kind of influences they have had in their lives to shape the kinds of decisions they make, or what kind of inner battles they hide within themselves and struggle with daily. Don’t blame them because we know that we are also weak. If you want to blame someone, blame the devil because he is the one who tempted them in the first place!
Forgiveness isn’t an emotion. Sometimes we think that we can’t forgive someone because we wouldn’t be sincere in saying that we actually forgive them. We might say the words, but it doesn’t change our hearts and the grudges we are still holding onto. It’s okay! When God forgives us, He does not remember our sins. He blots them out completely, but as imperfect human beings, we cannot just forget. Our minds do not usually work that way. Don’t hold off forgiving someone until you feel like you are ready! Just say the words. The feelings will follow the action. Our hearts will be slow to change if we just sit around waiting. We cannot always control what we feel. We can try to redirect our thoughts, but only through God’s grace will our feelings be conquered by love, and that can take time. With God’s grace, we can begin to look past the offenses and see people for who they really are, not the sum of their offenses, but a child of God, just like us.
The transformation of our hearts will come. It may be a gradual transformation, but God will make sure that our hearts of stone melt into hearts of love. The transformation begins with prayer, not only to receive the graces needed to forgive, but also prayer for the person who needs to be forgiven. God’s love works through our prayer, and our hearts become channels through which God’s love for them moves. He works through our prayers for them, not only blessing them with the graces they need, but also healing our hearts in the process. All we have to do is surrender our hearts to God and be open to His love working in and through us, and soon we will be cleansed from the grudges and free with a heart of love.
