I'm calling it now. These are the official rules you have to consider when coming up with a name for your band. I've created these two laws from basic observation and a lot of thought. Trust me, this is important.
Rule 1: It has to be hilarious
As spoken in that one classic Simpsons episode, a band name should be
"...a name that's witty at first, but that seems less funny each time you hear it." - Principal Seymour Skinner
Think of bands like "The Beatles" which is a portmanteau of "beat" and "beetle." You think that group was able to survive in this dog-eat-dog music industry on talent or heart? Ha! If your name doesn't cause someone to chuckle quietly the first time they hear it, you won't last three seconds before being booed off stage. Your name needs to be somewhat nonsensical and vaguely related to the attitude of your music style. It needs to be a play on words, or a ridiculous concept. Here are a few examples:
Led Zeppelin
Reel Big Fish
Bowling For Soup
Rule 2: Three syllables or three words
This is where it gets tricky. The best band names in the world have either three syllables or three words in their name. This is possibly the most important factor. Otherwise the name is too complicated. The only exception is the word "the." The does not count as either a syllable or a word in your band name unless it is lacking one of either. Let me try to explain this better with an example.
Say you come up with the name "Biscuit" for your band. Not a bad name, but it's lacking a syllable and therefore missing something. Follow our rule for syllables and the word "the" and we have "The Biscuit" or "The Biscuits." Three syllables, boom. Isn't that infinitely better?
The answer is yes. The Biscuits is much better than simply "Biscuit." Case in point.
But some names just sound better with "the" in it, even if it already has three words or syllables. For instance, say you've come up with the name "Fool Proof Plan." Much better than just "Fool Plan" or something. It's three words and three syllables, but still it seems lacking. "The Fool Proof Plan" fills in that gap perfectly. Much better.
Here's some more examples, though the previous examples all followed the Three Rule as well:
Aerosmith
The Ramones
The Sex Pistols
How Not to Name a Band
One of my favorite bands is from the 90's called "The Presidents of the United States of America."
They're most well known for an amazing song about peaches that has a music video where the band fights ninjas under a peach tree.
But what about that name? It's a mouthful. Are they saying that their music gives them the authority of the president? Or that they are each simultaneously presidents of the USA? Are they made up of former presidents? That would be an awesome concept... maybe someone should start a band where they dress as the founding fathers.
Anyway, too many words in their band name. Simply "The Presidents" would have been acceptable, despite sounding like "The Precedence." Try fitting that name on a CD and still having room for an awesome CD design. In conversation, people are just going to shorten it anyway to something like "Presidents of the USA," and even then, they're going to have to specify that they're talking about a band and not the literal presidents of the United States.
And thus, we have the rules of coming up with a band name. Now you and your friends can piece together some sort of name to call yourself when you play for your cousin's graduation party and promptly get kicked off stage for your horrible cover of "Smells Like Teen Spirit."
