When it comes time to share that photo to your followers, it's a gentle reminder of why they follow you. "Oh, so hipster!" "Ah, that aesthetic." "Wow, such inspiration..." It's evident to every millennial, then, that when you click 'Share,' you have to know you've prepared for the onslaught of eyes that will behold and render it either an Instagram flop, or an #InstaMasterpiece.

1. You can't post two photos within a two-day period.

And never in the same day. Unless you're on the set for the next James Bond movie, your life isn't that exciting. Stop the onslaught of photos that just makes you seem like you're too over-eager to share. Save it for a throwback Thursday photo (if anybody still does those). Play it cool. Make them guess what you're doing. Live the mystique.

2. No fluorescent lighting.

If Kim Kardashian has taught us anything, it's all about the lighting (and the angle). Really, she has a new product that attaches to your phone that provides prime selfie lighting (which I neither endorse nor sell, but proves the point).

3. Take it easy with the editing wand.

Rome wasn't built in a day.

4. It's rare to take a prime, no-filter photo, so you must use filters, but you can't use filters where it's obvious that there's a filter because otherwise it's all about the filter. You filter?

Take time to let that one sit for a bit.

5. The Instagram dead-zone occurs around 11pm-10am.

Aka—don't post it if you want maximum exposure (and isn't that what everyone wants who uses Insta?).

6. Prime posting time = 12pm-6pm

You're on your own after that. Your photo dribbles out to the fringes of the home page, until it fades away, until it's just isolated in a little box, as a little square on your profile page forever.

7. Cute and witty captions are a must.

This is the most creative part in the Insta-prepping stage. It may take the collaboration with several friends, or you may have to Google a quote. Research and trial-and-error is key in this phase.

8. No "eh" or "all right" or "okay" photos.

Hence the commonly asked question, "Is this photo Insta-worthy?" There's a certain standard to live up to. Make that photo worth looking at.

9. Collages must be kept to a minimum.

Collages are rarer to come by these days. Perhaps the early years of Insta saw a surplus of their creation, but now that we've gotten past that kindergarten stage, we've advanced into the age of professional minimalism. Of course, the exception to this rule is birthday posts dedicated to close friends, where a collage of unattractive selfies may or may not be lovingly shared.

10. Pose to look candid.

To get that beautiful "candid" photo, start laughing as if the photographer just said something so utterly funny, but then freeze your smile in an attractive slightly open-mouthed manner (see? very spontaneous looking) and maybe even tilt your body at an angle if it was a real knee-slapper. Who knows, maybe that photographer works nights as a comedian.

11. Refrain from relying on hashtags.

#theresjusttoomuchtoread #anditssohard #why #donthaveyourhashtagsbelongerthanthe #nonhashtagpartofyourcaption #urwelcome #ifeellikeitsachildsgame #tryandmakewordsoutofrandomletters

12. Don't be that person who deletes and reposts to get more likes. Just don't.

Because then when you post it again, those few people who originally liked it will know. They'll know. And can you live with that shame? If you follow these rules, you won't have to.

13. Or you can be that person who doesn't give one flying flower to these rules or what the rest of the world thinks.

Because it's your life. And you're awesome. And "likes" don't define you. Post what you want. Share what you want. Because those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.

Put that as a hashtag society.

#ThoseWhoMindDontMatterAndThoseWhoMatterDontMind

Beat 'em to it. And guess what? I'm posting it during the dead-zone.